Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Marriage (Part One)

I know, creative title time!

This request came to me on Facebook (You can always follow the blog. Just click the icon on the right panel!)
A friend writes:
I'd love for you to write about your marriage - not sure if that's too personal. Kind of like what you feel is most important, what kinds of situations may create conflict, what you feel is keeping your marriage going strong. I've heard a lot of discouraging information on marriage and divorce and all.
 It's sad, but she's right: There is A LOT of discouraging information on marriage. Celebrity marriages only show up in the media when they fail. There are lots of quotes on marriage that are negative. ("50% of marriages end in divorce. The other 50% end in death.") Marriage on television isn't wholesome anymore. People are more content to sleep around, get separated, or live together than enjoy a happy marriage.

There are many things that make a marriage successful. Two big ones are God and Communication. Did you notice that I didn't slap "Love" in there? Don't get me wrong, love is important. However, I've heard of way too many marriages ending because they "just fell out of love" and decided that it was over. That "love" feeling you feel at the start of marriage will change over the years. That's okay! But if you don't have God and Communication on your side you won't know how to handle this change. You'll go searching for a new person just to get that "love" feeling again. The cycle will never end until you change your views on love.

Now, I'm in love with my husband. I'm in love with him even MORE than I was when we met 5.5 years ago. Our love has changed and matured over the years.

What situations create conflict? Well, Stefan and I rarely fight in the traditional sense of the word. Those screaming matches you see on TV? We don't have those. We have tense moments and conversations. Usually, though, we're adult enough to talk through it. We've made it a point to never bring up past mistakes and throw them out as weapons.
There are lots of things that can create conflict! We're only human! We snap when we're overwhelmed and tired. We get frustrated. We argue over chores. It's totally normal. When you scream at each other over socks in the floor or if there's abuse involved this is NOT NORMAL. Get counseling! (If your safety or well-being is in danger then just get out!)

I don't know how much is okay to share about my marriage so I'll leave it at that.

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