This is going to have a few personal moments.
I had a thought this morning about the whole idea of Rape Culture. Why are people so hesitant to change the standard? Why don't we talk about it? (Other than it's a tough subject) Why do people want to blame the woman? I actually don't believe it's an anti-woman thing.
We don't want to admit that we've been part of it.
I've heard said recently that instead of "no means no" we should teach "yes means yes and everything else means no." I love that. However, it's meeting some difficulty in society. Why? Why is that so hard?
By changing how we view consent, it makes rape a lot more common.
If we change it to "if she didn't actively say yes then it's rape" there's a whole bunch of men that have take a hard look at their sexual encounters. What about that girl that didn't seem too into it but didn't say no? What about the girl that said "I'm not sure..." and then didn't say anything again?
When I lost my virginity (too young) it all happened too fast and I wasn't 100% sure. But I never said no. Was I raped? Do you have any idea how hard that thought is to process? It's hard to think about it as an active decision (I never said no so I wanted it...right?) but it's even more painful to think about it with the word "rape" attached.
See, we don't want to think about it in that way. We, as a society, need to think about rape as a random act of violence. We need to think that it's not THAT common and if we stay sober, stay to the lights, and keep our pepper spray handy it won't happen to us. But if we change the terms, if we change the way of thinking about it, then I'd be willing to bet it HAS happened to many of us already.
So that's why we keep hearing "she never said no" (no matter that she was passed out) or whatever. Society is holding on to the belief that it can't happen to them. I hate to be the one to burst bubbles...but it probably already has. We need to grieve, heal, and teach the next generation better.