Struggling With Feelings

Last week 6 Marines lost their lives in a helicopter crash in Afghanistan.

My brother is part of that unit...these men were his family.

The thing is, he literally JUST switched shifts so if this had happened a week earlier it could have been him.

That's terrifying.

So I'm relieved it's not him.

However, there's still 6 men who lost their lives.

So am I relieved that they died instead of him? It's all so confusing. I'm truly not sure how to feel right now.

Advice? Scripture? Anything?

Long overwhelming post

At least it's clean

I'm lacking sleep. Yesterday morning Jonathan decided that 6:30am (when Daddy wakes up) was the official start to the morning. I laid in bed with him, in blatant denial, for about 30 minutes before finally getting up. Last night I was up late cleaning up the house (it had to get done). I didn't crawl into bed until 11pm. Add in my insomnia and it was probably at least 30 minutes before I went to sleep. I was awake 5 or 6 times between then and 6:30am when Stefan got up. Even when I *could* sleep I was dreaming that I couldn't sleep...so I didn't get rested. I dozed until about 8am when Franklin woke up....and I don't have any caffeine in the house! I'm exhausted.

The kitchen isn't CLEAN. It's picked up, half of the dishes are done and all major messes are cleaned up. But there's still STUFF out and junk all over my floors. The living room is fairly clean (I need to spot treat) because I found MORE ANTS last night. (They were hugging the walls all the way from the front door to the dining room...basically an entire side of the house) I sprayed them and vacuumed. We aren't messy people!

If you're one of my readers in a place without fire ants you can't fully understand what I'm dealing with. Not only are these things relentless and annoying, but they STING. It isn't just a random sting either. They will swarm you and then the "leader" will release a chemical compound that tells them all to start stinging at once. Yeah, I'm serious. Did I mention that I'm slightly allergic to them? When Stefan gets stung he has slight discomfort and the typical red area. When *I* get stung it's like being injected with hot sauce and then the entire area swells up. If I get stung on my finger the entire finger will swell up into my hand...within minutes. It's crazy.

80% of my laundry is clean and 25% of *that* is folded....but none is put away. That annoys me. When we were first married we would do all of our laundry at once (laundromat) and then live out of the bin. Now that I have the space and my own washer and dryer you'd think that would change...but nope. We both hate laundry. So it gets put off until we have no clean clothes and then it takes an entire night to get it all folded.

I also get overwhelmed with my spirited son. I've tried giving him plenty of outside time (I even walked up to the park last week...that's 1/2 a mile up a steep hill...pushing him in the stroller and wearing Jonathan) I've tried playing actively inside (we danced a bunch together yesterday) I've tried fighting for naps (and it's a literal FIGHT) I've tried the laid back "whatever" attitude about naps (If he takes one, cool...if not, his loss) I've tried spanking. I've tried time out. I've tried explaining. I've tried diversion. I've tried ignoring. None of it works. Deep down inside I'm afraid he's ADHD or something. This can't all be because he's a spirited toddler. I question my ability to parent.


Plus I'm breastfeeding a newborn. I heard once that full time breastfeeding burns 300-500 calories a day (depending on how often "full time" is for you) Basically, someone 140lbs would have to do high impact aerobics for an hour a day to burn what I do by nursing....AND I'm chasing a toddler. My body is tired. I need to eat all the time. I go through a jar a peanut butter every few days. (High fat and protein) I don't have time to cook (toddler won't let me even if baby is sleeping) I've had to accept that the baby has to cry sometimes in order for me to eat enough to make milk...it's gotten to where I don't really respond to the crying as quickly as I think I should because I'm so used to hearing it.

I'll stop before I start rambling (and the baby is waking back up)

Confession Time: I'm a SLOB

 

For those that follow me regularly I know you've seen my before and after cleaning posts so this won't be a huge surprise. I also know that my parents subscribe to this so they won't be surprised either!!

I'm a slob. Really. When I get down and CLEAN I do a great job and it looks awesome. I can also give great cleaning advice. 

However...

I don't live it. I don't do dishes until the sink is screaming for mercy. I put dirty clothes on the floor mere feet from the hamper. I leave the lid off of the peanut butter and a knife sitting beside it. (That last one was for my husband. It's a HUGE pet peeve of his! LOL)

I'm working on The House That Cleans Itself right now. The main premise is that you change the house to fit the behavior. So, if you set your keys on the same spot in the middle of the counter each day DON'T buy a hook because you'll never hang them up! Buy a basket instead. (We got a pretty plate and a basket for mail) 

However...

You can only change a house so much. The groceries won't put themselves away. Dishwashers can't load on their own. So, after you change the house you have to change yourself.

I'm going to keep you posted on my progress and the changes we implement. Keep us in your prayers! It's going to be a bumpy few months.

Confessions Monday: My Diet

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (New Century Version) 

You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit who is in you. You have received the Holy Spirit from God. So you do not belong to yourselves, because you were bought by God for a price. So honor God with your bodies.

From here on out there will be a chance to participate in I Confess each Monday! Simply write a post confessing something that other parents can relate to and link up here! If you feel led, please include a relevant Bible Verse so we can be encouraged. Be sure and grab the I Confess Button to lead your readers back here!

What is my confession this week? My Diet!

I had planned on making several freezer meals for this month so we would have healthy food to eat...and then the baby came at 37 weeks. So, we ended up with 5 meals. What did I do? I sent my husband to the store with a list of "convenience" foods. (Think microwave burritos, chicken nuggets, etc...) We usually limit our intake of those foods, but these past few weeks I've been too tired to really care.

Don't get me wrong, Jonathan is a good sleeper (what other newborn sleeps in 3-4 hour stretches?) but giving birth takes a lot out of you. Also, just because the baby is sleeping doesn't mean that Mommy is sleeping! I wake up when he makes noise (I'm not used to his noises yet), I wake up to roll over or wiggle around, and I wake up to use the bathroom or get water.

So, my diet this past week was horrible. I'm not drinking enough water, I'm eating the Standard American amount of processed food, and I haven't wanted to cook.

Add in that my husband has started the 30 Days RAW diet (and blogs about it; check it out) and the guilt is starting to set in. (Heck, my SON is eating better than I am. He's eaten mostly fruits and veggies the past few days. He loves the raw food that Stefan brought home, too!)

That's my confession. What's yours?


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Feeling Like THAT Mom

This is the first round of "I Confess"

Lately I've felt like THAT mom. You know the one. You whisper comments about her in the grocery store. You roll your eyes at her at the park. You go home and tell your husband, "You'll never believe the mom I saw today!"

The word that is used to describe my son is "spirited." Parents of spirited children usually refer to these children as "AAAHHHHH!!!!! SERIOUSLY? SERIOUSLY? WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!?"

If you Google "spirited child" you get a full description of my son:

Intensity—meaning greater drama, easier cry response, making more demands on parents.

Persistence—gets committed to and stays with ideas, may argue points with parents long after an issue is settled.

High Energy Level—also sometimes labeled hyperactive, but many who write on this disorder do not want the term hyperactivity confused with the disorder.

Sensitive—may be overly sensitive to sounds, slight discomfort, pictures, and stimuli of all sorts.

Difficult Adaptability—may react with greater emotion to changes like attending school, or moving to a new house.

Moody—may be more prone to get cranky, but may also be susceptible to and more perceptive of the moods of others.

*sigh* Yep, that's Franklin.

If you don't have a spirited toddler you have NO idea what it's like raising one. Trust me. He's also incredibly bright so that just adds to my frustration. His temperament causes him to be high energy and intense. I KNOW he understands when he's told "no" (because he says, "no no no" when you catch him doing something he's not supposed to do). He knows the rules. He understands complex instructions. (I told him to find me a bowl to give him breakfast in and he searched the room until he found one and then brought it to me)

As a toddler he lacks impulse control. As a bright child he's inquisitive and constantly exploring and experimenting with his surroundings. As a spirited child he reacts with huge intensity when told "no" and mirrors the frustration of his parents.

Sometimes, when I've said "no" for the 146876351567 time or spanked him 5 times IN A ROW for the same behavior or fought an hour of screaming and kicking to get him to just go to bed, I feel like I'm a horrible mom. There's always that voice in the back of my mind that says, "You caused this." There's always that voice reminding me that I've seen toddlers/children that are MUCH better behaved. There is always that voice that makes me feel like an utter failure. When I sit here with a peaceful, napping toddler I can calmly tell you that voice is Satan and he's trying to steal my joy and make me feel like my children would be better off in daycare. However, in the heat of the moment? I believe every word he slips into my head.

I found this Scripture:
1 Peter 5:8-9 (NCV) Control yourselves and be careful! The devil, your enemy, goes around like a roaring lion looking for someone to eat. Refuse to give in to him, by standing strong in your faith. You know that your Christian family all over the world is having the same kinds of suffering.

My favorite part is the very last where it reminds me that I'm not alone!

Be sure and grab the button!



Do you ever feel like a failure as a parent? Link up below and tell us about it!

I Confess!!!

I'm starting this feature for many reasons. There are a ton of "Mommy Blogs" out there. Reading these can offer tips and laughs but it can also create a sense of doubt in ourselves. See, I've come to learn that a lot of people put their best face forward when writing a blog. So, you see the good parts and nothing else. They don't tell you that they dealt with tantrums ALL DAY the day before or that it took them an hour to type the post you're reading because they had a toddler in their lap trying to "help" type. You don't read rambling posts about how they cried the other day because their children were being terrors. Yes, there are honest pages like that, but I think we need MORE! We need honesty. We need support. We need to read that a fellow mom felt immense despair and how she got out of it. We need to be the mom that felt that despair and be able to read comments from other moms saying, "I was JUST THERE!"

Enter "I Confess." Each week I'll do a blog (at least one, maybe more depending on the week!) where I confess something about my week. It can be something embarrassing or something more serious. I'll offer a link-up opportunity and a button to link back. If you feel like you want to participate you'll have several days to write up a blog and link up.

The only rules:
1) You have to be brutally honest. No sugar-coating. If you sat and cried for an hour then don't trim it down to 10 minutes.
2) Comment, comment, comment. Even if it's just a *hug* or something. We're baring souls here.
3) Be supportive. I know there are several sides to each story. If you don't support spanking and a mom confesses to spanking her child several times you aren't being supportive if you say, "That's abusive! How could you??"

What do you think? Interested?