Rape Culture

This is going to have a few personal moments.


I had a thought this morning about the whole idea of Rape Culture. Why are people so hesitant to change the standard? Why don't we talk about it? (Other than it's a tough subject) Why do people want to blame the woman? I actually don't believe it's an anti-woman thing.

We don't want to admit that we've been part of it.

I've heard said recently that instead of "no means no" we should teach "yes means yes and everything else means no." I love that. However, it's meeting some difficulty in society. Why? Why is that so hard?

By changing how we view consent, it makes rape a lot more common.

Scary, right?

If we change it to "if she didn't actively say yes then it's rape" there's a whole bunch of men that have take a hard look at their sexual encounters. What about that girl that didn't seem too into it but didn't say no? What about the girl that said "I'm not sure..." and then didn't say anything again?

When I lost my virginity (too young) it all happened too fast and I wasn't 100% sure. But I never said no. Was I raped? Do you have any idea how hard that thought is to process? It's hard to think about it as an active decision (I never said no so I wanted it...right?) but it's even more painful to think about it with the word "rape" attached.

See, we don't want to think about it in that way. We, as a society, need to think about rape as a random act of violence. We need to think that it's not THAT common and if we stay sober, stay to the lights, and keep our pepper spray handy it won't happen to us. But if we change the terms, if we change the way of thinking about it, then I'd be willing to bet it HAS happened to many of us already.

So that's why we keep hearing "she never said no" (no matter that she was passed out) or whatever. Society is holding on to the belief that it can't happen to them. I hate to be the one to burst bubbles...but it probably already has. We need to grieve, heal, and teach the next generation better.

Does This Mean War?

Sigh. By now everyone has heard about the TIME cover with the mom breastfeeding her 3 year old.

I'm not here to talk about that directly...I've said enough on Facebook.

I'm here to talk about Mommy Wars.

Moms know what I'm talking about here. At least, you should. Have you ever felt judged for your parenting choice? Then you've been part of a Mommy War. It's a stupid thing that pits mothers against each other. Stay at home moms against working moms. Home schooling moms against public schooling moms. Breastfeeders against formula feeders (shouldn't we be glad baby was FED?).

There are even factions within each of these. Fellow breastfeeding moms will turn on each other when asked "How old is too old?" Some home schooling parents feel like a certain STYLE of home schooling is superior. Are you a mom that WORKS at HOME? Chances are you've felt slighted by working and non working moms alike.

Why do we do this?

Being a mother is HARD. Making decisions for your child is HARD. I remember not wanting to admit to anyone that I'd weaned my first son at *gasp* 15 months instead of letting HIM decide. I struggle with giving advice about home schooling because my son actually enjoys structured activities and some parents are against that.

We should support each other. We should hold each other up as awesome because we're all in the same Mommy Tribe. But we don't. We judge. We gossip. We turn up our noses at those that parent differently from us when we should embrace differences as a learning experience (even if it's how you DON'T want to do something). We should base our friendships on whether personalities click and not on whether mom pulls out a breast or bottle to feed her child.

TIME, I take offense to the idea that only those that are "Mom Enough" choose attachment parenting. There is no check-list that makes you the perfect attachment parent. I'm not even crazy about the TERM attachment parent. It pushes parents that don't practice out as "not as attached" to their children when, frankly, that isn't the case.

So stop the Mommy Wars. Find something else to disagree about. Parenting is hard enough.

"Making Time For God" is SILLY!

I love Blimey Cow. If you haven't been introduced to this group you're missing out.

They did a video recently on "Making Time For God"... can a humorous video step on your toes?





I love this line: "If you're a Christian and your spiritual life is confined to 15 minutes in the morning...you're doing it wrong."


It's true though. How many of us make a resolution to "make more time for God" each year? When did spending time with our Creator become something we had to schedule? We should be spending so much time with Him that we have to pencil everything else in!

Linking Up!

Pro-Ana (websites)

I truly don't remember what I searched in Yahoo! to bring up these pages. I just know that I searched *something* related to eating disorders and it brought up a pro-ana site. I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into an entirely new world...

Read more at my Fitness Blog! If you're a parent YOU NEED THIS POST!!!

Nursing in Public is Offensive

Before my pro-nursing friends spit fire I'll get right to it...

Nursing in public (NIP) is offensive...but should that matter?

There's a mentality going around that NIP isn't offensive. So what if it is?  I find scantily clad women to be offensive (seriously, it's okay if your skirt covers your butt...) and have been called "anti-woman" because of it. (Because women have the "right" to show off their bodies) 

If you are in your own home you have the right to limit the offensive material that enters it. You can ask someone to go in the other room to breastfeed, you can ask someone to stop smacking their food at the table, or you can request someone put on a jacket if their outfit offends you. In public, however, you can't. You have to accept that when you leave the house you will be presented with things that offend you. 

When I go to the zoo I accept that there will be pro-evolution rhetoric everywhere (and "old Earth" stuff). I don't get mad at the zoo...if I didn't like it I would leave. If I get offended at the amount of skin I see at the store I'll leave. "But I'm trying to do my shopping and she's flaunting it." I can all but guarantee that she's not "flaunting it" when she's nursing. (If she's following you around screaming "LOOK AT ME BREASTFEEDING!!!!!!" then I'll retract my statement)

Now this is where people will say (and have said to me) "You have to be respectful of people. If it offends someone you shouldn't do it." or "If it could arouse someone you shouldn't do it." These kind of go hand in hand (because the line is kind of thin between the two).

Here's a list, off the top of my head, of things that pertain to my appearance that could possibly offend people when I leave my home:

- I cut my hair

- I have pink in my hair

- I wear makeup

- I wear pants

- I speak in a loud voice (some people do believe that women should only speak in meek, small voices)

- The language I use ("lame" is offensive apparently)

- I don't cover my head

Do I take any of these into consideration when I leave the house? Nope. Should I? I don't believe so. 

There will always be something that offends *someone* in the world. The only way to be 100% sure that you're NOT offending someone is to never leave your house...and even then people will get offended that you keep turning them down when they invite you to things. 

What about arousing men? Should I be afraid that my NIP is arousing someone? No. I have no control over that. My stand-by phrase for this comment is this: "People have foot fetishes and I still wear sandals." 

There was actually a study done on fetishes...

It was concluded that the most common fetishes were for body parts or for objects usually associated with body parts (33% and 30% respectively). Among those people preferring body parts, feet and toes were preferred by the greatest number, with 47% of those sampled preferring them. Among those people preferring objects related to body parts, footwear (shoes, boots, etc.) was most preferred (64%) source

So you're not even "safe" if you wear shoes! The mere act of leaving your house means that someone, somewhere, will be aroused. That isn't your responsibility.

I'll end this long post with one of my NIP photos! Me nursing the baby at the zoo.

My son...the loser?

Yes, I want my son to eventually be a loser.

Why?

No, it's not some weird thing where I want my son to fail or think he isn't capable. It's a fact of life: You can't win at everything. Sometimes you have to lose.

It's interesting that this was one of the themes of a recent episode of Parenthood. But it's the truth. You shouldn't shield your kids from losing. 

I opened this up to my Facebook recently. I'll share some of the comments with you: (I apologize for it being tiny...it copies funny from FB)

 I think it is setting the world up for a bunch of spoiled brats that have no value in learning from loss and growing their character

Not good. Losing is a part of life.

 Kids need to learn that they can't always win, and with that comes lessons on hard work and perseverence. But everything doesn't have to be a competition either: )

 Losing is a part of life. I think learning how to bow out gracefully and how to be a polite winner is a much more important lesson than no winners or losers.

I think the kids that are getting awards for everything feel like they are owed something. And feel worthless and angry when not given what is owed them in their minds. As mentioned before losing is a part of life, we don't always get what we want or even what we may deserve. Sadly, these kids are learning that they don't have to work for anything I order to get their reward in life.

A good natured competitive spirit is a good thing. You win some you lose some. Kids need to know this!

 I think for some, friendly competition is motivation. Later in life, it's hard to be motivated for say, a job you don't like. I wish I was a little more competitive! However, I think you can also stress individual goals. You may not win each battle, but you finish the game!

 

I have two very different feelings on this. As a parent, I do think it's important to understand losing and winning and have a healthy (not overly emphasized) sense of competition. Winning and losing is part of life and kids need to be brought up to understand you can learn from your mistakes and improve your losses. However, as a teacher, I find it very detrimental to implement too much competition in the classroom. Especially with special education children, who very rarely "win" against their peers. I don't like my kids to come into class always competing with each other and calling each other losers in games and lessons. I do think it's important for them to compete against themselves and to "win" by improving their individual achievement. But it can have a very negative effect on children to be conditioned from a young age that winning and losing is so important, particularly for students who are not going to be winning much when put against peers with higher abilities in a lot of fields. Hope that makes sense.

 How will you ever know that you have succeeded unless you have failed?

It seems so strange that my kids have been given trophies for nothing more than showing up to dance class (yes, DANCE class) and soccer practice. They do not value those "awards" at ALL. My oldest 2 have played sports in Boys & Girls Club, which is a non-competitive league, so the scores don't mean anything, except in volleyball, because they play best of 3 games up to 25 points. Even in a non-competitive league, it's the PARENTS who get SO competitive & take the win/lose situation really far. Not all of them, but I feel bad for the kids whose parents compete through them. Healthy competition is good, but winning at all cost or being berated after a game (or during) for the way you played can't be good for those poor kids. They will certainly lose any love of playing the sport in those environments.

I think it is good for kids to learn how to lose. Build character and helps them learn to deal with disappointment. 

Also, I think everyone should be acknowledged for trying and doing their best. Too much focus is often put on the winners, but just because you lose doesn't mean you are a "loser"...if you did your best, that is what matters.

So, the general consensus was: Kids need to learn that losing happens and how to deal with it...but also how to be a gracious winner. I agree 100%. I remember doing Field Day at my school (does that still happen?) and everyone got a ribbon...but it was a place ribbon. If there were 7 participants and you came in dead last you got a 7th place ribbon. The kid that won got a bright blue 1st place ribbon. I remember doing my best at some thing and failing miserably...but the kids that got higher placement would ALWAYS congratulate the rest of us on a good try and job well done. No one flaunted (and if they did it was friendly competition and always in good taste...a silly victory dance or something)

What are your thoughts? Do kids need to win and lose? Or is it best when everyone is equal?

In Defense Of Abstinence

I wrote this last year. I thought I'd share again and ask for your thoughts!

Disclaimer: This is what I believe as far as MY children are concerned. If you want your 14 year old son to have condoms then YOU can buy them. If you want your 12 year old daughter to have access to birth control pills then YOU take her to the doctor. Please don't spend my tax dollars on something that I don't believe in.

Every time sex education gets brought up I hear the same tune, “Kids are going to have sex so we may as well teach them to be safe.” I always want to scream, “It doesn't have to be that way!” Teenagers are going to THINK about having sex. It's a biological certainty. When puberty sets in and hormones start raging sex is going to come up in the child's mind. It doesn't help that children are hyper sexualized today. With television shows that glamorize sex (Glee, The Secret Life of the American Teenager), music and singers that are all about sex, and movies that give out the “sex is okay if you're in love” message kids are set up for failure! If you hand that same sex obsessed child a condom and show them how to “be safe” of course they're going to have sex!

Let's talk about television for a minute. I recently wrote a blog about the sexual message of an episode of Glee. The show The Secret Life of the American teenager glamorizes teen sex and pregnancy. Yes, one of the characters got pregnant. However, the message is “she didn't use protection and that's why she got pregnant.” Add that her post pregnancy life has been very easy and the message is clear: Use protection, but if you don't it's not that bad. What about the movie that shows the story of the STD made it's way around school because of a promiscuous male? She's Too Young Oh, you missed that one? Probably because it was a Lifetime Original Movie and most teenagers don't watch that channel.

What about the claims that abstinence only education doesn't work? There are numerous studies that say that the percentage of children having sex doesn't change no matter what you teach them. Not so much:

Wendy Wright, president of Concerned Women for America (CWA), says bad public policy is to blame for the STD epidemic. "The funding of graphic sex-ed that encourages kids to be sexually active is a serious problem," She maintains. "We also have the FDA's decision to allow the morning after pill to be available without a prescription."

Wright says that decision is keeping many women from getting regular screening for STDs.  "...women are not going to their doctor's to get screened for sexually transmitted diseases," she clarifies. "Instead they're able to go to a local pharmacy and pick up a drug that is actually not that effective – even at preventing pregnancy." 

Full Article

What happens is girls have unprotected sex, head down to the local pharmacy or Planned Parenthood, pick up Plan B and never get screened for STDs. These same girls continue having sex, possibly unprotected because they can just go grab the pill again, and spread anything they caught.

The latest Centers for Disease Control study on teen birth rates in the U.S. showed a slight uptick for the year 2006. Mississippi led the nation in the percentage of teens giving birth, while New Hampshire had the fewest.

But critics of abstinence education are using the study to show that those types of educational programs are not working. Bryan Fischer, executive director of the Idaho Values Alliance disagrees, saying ten times the amount of money is spent on condom-based sex education than is spent on abstinence education.

Full Article

This was inspiring!

The classes did not focus on a message of saving sex until marriage or "disparage condom use." Instead, the classes "involved assignments to help sixth- and seventh graders see the drawbacks to sexual activity at their age."

Researchers surveyed the students again two years later and found that about one-third of those who had the abstinence-only classes said they had engaged in sex compared to about half of the students from the other three classes.

Full Article

Here's where we get down to just my opinion. Proper abstinence only education shouldn't just say, “Wait until marriage. Here are the bad things that can happen. Just say no.” I've been there. “Just say no” doesn't work if you're already naked. We need to teach these kids how to avoid the situation all together, not just how to get out of it. We need to teach them the warning signs that things are going too far, not just what happens when you are already there. We need to teach them the emotional effects of sex outside of marriage, not just the physical effects. We should be teaching these sexualized youth that their bodies have VALUE and that they need to take pride in saving themselves. Being a virgin shouldn't be something that causes shame! In a world where sex is thrown at you at every turn having the strength to say, “I'm different” should be valued.

I'll be straight with you. (Before I get a million comments from “friends” that scream I'm a hypocrite) I didn't wait. I wasn't strong enough. But, I didn't get the right message. I got the first message. I was told, “Just say no.” I didn't get the right tools. And, I was a depressed teenager with self esteem issues. It happened and it shouldn't have. By then I only valued myself for my body and what I could do with it. I want my children to love themselves more than I loved myself!

Don't give up on abstinence!

Dear "Secret Life"

Dear The Secret Life Of An American Teenager,

Your show is ridiculous. For the lucky ones that have never seen an episode here's a video summary:




Seriously?

Fixed that for you

Yes, I understand that sex is now part of a teenager's life. Whether they're doing it or know someone that's doing it, sex is all around. However, I take issue with the assumption that sex is ALL that goes on in a teenager's life. Other things include, but are not limited to: drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, severe over-achieving, anxiety, depression, self-harm, abuse, bullying, and suicide. Where are these elements in your show? Heck there are other shows that have covered these things at least partially. (Full House was one) If you're going to claim to give a glimpse into the "secret life" of a teenager at least have her dealing with more than just sex and pregnancy.


Which brings me to my other complaint. Your portrayal of teen pregnancy was awful. Amy just so happened to have tons of people that love her and support her? Her parents help watch the baby and her boyfriend loved her EVEN THOUGH IT WASN'T HIS BABY? Oh, and baby's Daddy came back to be part of his life? Whatever. What happened to the girl that got kicked out? We saw a glimpse of her and then never heard from her again. That's real. That happens. Where's the miscarriage because the mom was too young to handle pregnancy? And, on top of it, Amy got to spend a week in New York without the baby?? Really now? Her life is only slightly affected by this child. Having a baby is a major change and you have not shown that AT ALL.


I also have a problem with "ABC Family" and it looks like I'm not the only one. Especially this:

It should be noted that despite the channel's name including the word "Family", the channel's programming content standards had changed several years earlier after the sale of the channel by International Family Entertainment, and the channel had been airing even some acquired series and movies that contain profanity, violence and sexual content or dialogue after the sale, particularly since being purchased by The Walt Disney Company. ABC Family does air parental advisory tags at the beginning of some TV-14 rated programs, such as That '70s Show and some episodes of The Secret Life of the American Teenager.

So, I tried to watch your show, but it's ridiculous and annoying. Please end it. I don't care what happens to Amy. I'm sure she'll ride off into a rainbow on her unicorn and leave the baby with her magical elves and fairies.

&%$#@!

Colossians 3:8 But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth. 

Obscene Talk: Greek word also means "shameful", "improper", or "sordid." 


Now that we've identified the Scripture in question...let's get to it.


Profanity. Cursing. Swear words. Potty talk. There are a lot of different ways to say it, and even more ways to use it!

This isn't going to be a blog contesting whether or not it's sinful...but rather a blog to look at it in a different way.

I'm going to look at another verse: Matthew 15:18 But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart, and these defile them.


How do I feel on the subject?

Well, I curse/swear/use bad words. I'm trying to get better about it because my son is starting to pick up words! I don't need him to bust out a "new word" in the middle of church or something! However, I use most swear words the same way that someone would use mundane words. To me, more often than not, these words are merely filler in a conversation. There is no emphasis. It's not meant to be rude. (Really!) I use the "f-word" the same way someone would use "stupid" or "THAT." (As in "the *stupid* car" or "*THAT* shoe")

What about using an alternative word? In my opinion, it's the same as cursing. If you use a "plain" filler word (like, "freaking" or even something silly like "balderdash") but IN YOUR HEART it's meant to be a "curse" then I consider it the same level of cursing. Some people will disagree here...but I think it's the intent that counts most of all.

Now, a dear friend of mine pointed out if you can choose to filter your language then why say them at all? She makes a good point. If, in the end, they are JUST WORDS then why not just stop saying them? A lot of people consider those of us that curse to be uneducated (or at least, say we sound that way) or just stupid. I'm a smart girl and a lot of people that I know that curse are educated people. We don't use profanity because we can't come up with another word...I can, and I know some big ones! I just choose to use profanity when it suits the occasion. 

Please, share your thoughts in the comments below! How do YOU feel about profanity? Remember to remain respectful.

Vacation Thoughts

We were on vacation all this past week! I didn't announce it because I've heard stories about people announcing vacations on their blogs and then getting robbed...I'm sure you're all nice people and everything, but I'd rather be safe.

We went to Arizona to let the boys visit their great grandparents. It was fun. I have lots of photos to put up. (Don't worry, rest of the family, your visit is coming. This one was a HUGE trip so we had to plan it out way in advance.)

I had some thoughts while on vacation I wanted to share:

• It's interesting to drive next to the boarder (between the US and Mexico) and see the vast difference in living on either side.
• While I was irritated at having to slow down for Boarder Patrol to check cars (the baby started screaming when the car stopped moving) I am glad that they're checking cars...
• At night, when you're exhausted, walking into the hotel without shoes is a fine idea. However, walking OUT with no shoes the next day feels like a walk of shame.
• Every mall should have a kids play area. Even just a little one.
• Now I want a dog.
• You know you're in the middle of NOWHERE when you push "seek" on the radio and it just keeps spinning...
• I need to stock and carry a first aid kid...
• Now I know why parents give kids Nyquil before long trips.
• If you're driving in West Texas and come to a gas station you should stop and get gas...even if  you "think you can make it." We were down to a gallon before we found somewhere to stop. Some families weren't as lucky.

How I Ended Up At Home

I was going to be the first woman president of the United States....and then I turned 5!

I was going to be a famous actress and model...but I gave myself until 16 for that (10 years was long enough to get a career going)

There was a period where I didn't care about life at all.

Then, I turned 16 and was still plain old me. That was depressing.

I considered being a CSI...but when I researched the job I realized it's a lot more boring than the show.

I thought about being a teacher...but I can't stand when kids are in class "just because" and don't want to learn.

I settled on an ER Doctor. I looked at where my life was going (and the man I had settled on) and decided I could have my career and then have kids in my mid-30s. ExBoyfriend said he didn't want to wait until his 30s to have kids...so I looked at my life again and decided I'd rather have a career than have children. It hurt a little bit, but I was unhappy with my own experiences as a child and unhappy with my relationship.

I went to a private junior college to get the theatre bug out of my system and get some core classes. MY plan was to go there for 2 years (I had a full ride) and then go to ExBoyfriend's college and go Pre-Med.

.........


And then God happened.


It's funny how that happens. You're going along in life thinking that YOU have everything planned out and you can almost hear the chuckle from the heavens as God steps in and says, "Watch what *I* can do with your life. You have no idea what you're doing."

At least, that's how it felt.

Through serendipity I met my husband. (Okay, it was easier than that. I knew his roommate from many years prior) Stefan and I ended up talking many nights and I found myself pouring my heart out to this man I barely knew. In hindsight it was an effort to scare him off...thank God it didn't work!

Through our talks I found the strength to leave my abusive and toxic relationship for good. I found the strength to step up and say "I don't know what I want to do with my life...and that's okay." I found the strength to try to figure out who I really was and stop hiding behind my eating disorder, self harm addiction, and promiscuous attitude. Most of all, I found the strength to realize how WEAK I was without God in my life and rededicate my life to Christ.

At this point I had no idea what the future held. Everything had been turned upside down. Through the passing days I realized I was okay with having children....and with having Stefan's children. One night I told him that when I had children, if I could afford it, I wanted to stay home with them. This was really important to me.

Fast forward a couple of years...and I'm pregnant with our first. I found out when Stefan and I were trying to get into the military (it actually disqualified me). We crunched the numbers and realized that, with his entering the military, it's financially advantageous for me to stay home.

So here I am! From feminist to house frau. It's the hardest job I've ever had, but it's also the most fulfilling.

Home vs Hospital Birth

The outside of my home

I've had births in both settings: hospital and home. Granted, I had a great doctor with my first birth so it wasn't traumatic or anything. (I've heard some horror stories from the hospital) Basically, I wanted to make a list of comparisons between the "typical" hospital birth and MY home birth.

Home: My midwife assumed that I am a woman capable of learning, making informed decisions, and taking charge of my health.
Hospital: Most doctors don't think this way. I've dealt with a couple that treated me like I have no knowledge and can't make decisions.

Home: Took my time in labor.
Hospital: Contractions 3-4mins apart usually means you're dilating 1cm per hour...I wasn't. A lot of doctors will deem you "failure to progress" and give you pitocin OR a c-section.

Home: Labor stalled so we tried new tactics to get it going again.
Hospital: Labor stalling is not allowed and will deem you "failure to progress" again.

Home: I could eat and drink as needed.
Hospital: No food, IV for fluids, ice chips as needed.

Home: Monitor every so often in active labor. I could be in any position I wanted.
Hospital: Constant monitoring kept me flat on my back...the worse position for labor and delivery.

Home: Stefan got to catch his son!
Hospital: Doctor catches because no one else is qualified.

Home: Baby had gunk in his throat and funky breathing...but this was easy to fix by the midwives.
Hospital: Baby probably would have been rushed to NICU.

Home: Kept my placenta.
Hospital: Court order is required

Home: No push for vaccinations, circumcision, eye antibiotics, etc...
Hospital: Lots of paperwork and possible argument or threats.

Home: Slept in my own bed that night!
Hospital: The hospital I birthed in required THE BABY stay for 24 hours (mom could leave). Some require 48 or more. If you try to leave Against Medical Advisement some places will call CPS.

Home: As many/few people present as I chose.
Hospital: 2 or fewer visitors (that are 18 or older) and a ton of hospital workers.


For me, there is no question that I'll be doing this again!

Chore System Idea

I'm sure you've seen the colored index cards in the store when you're school shopping. Heck, I'm sure that a few of you have purchased them instead of the plain white ones. (Let me tell you, studying for a test is MUCH more interesting in technicolor) Have you ever thought to use them to get your kids to do chores?

I know, it's probably an odd thought. Let me tell you about a little system I've used for myself AND used to get teenage family members to help tidy when they stay over.

I use Index Cards. Now, for my system I use the plain ones. What I did was take the cards and write a chore on each one. I shuffle the cards up and place them face down. Then, I grab the first card and flip it over. Whichever chore pops up on top is the one I have to go do and I can't come back until it's finished. It's actually a really effective system when you can't figure out where to start or, as rarely happens here, when your house looks clean but you know better. When my brother-in-law and cousin were visiting several months back we used this as a way to get everyone to clean. We set a time limit (we wouldn't clean more than an hour) and brought out the cards. We only had to clean 30mins (there was 4 of us and a toddler) and the living room, kitchen, and guest bath all got cleaned. It was amazing!

Okay, on to my brainstorm I had while not sleeping at whatever ungodly hour it was this morning...

You'd need to buy a pack (or two, we'll get to that) of the colored index cards. You can get the bright colored ones or the pastel ones. I really don't care either way. (If you have boys that will complain about "girl colors" I do suggest the bright ones, though)

Next, make a list of each chore in the house. Be very specific. Yes, this will probably take a few days as you think of random things. Don't just put "clean the bathroom." Break things down into detailed chores like "scrub the toilet inside and out." Trust me, it will matter for this system. You'll get a chance to be vague in the next steps but you'll still need the specifics.

Now take your list and organize the chores into three categories: High Value, Moderate Value, Low Value. High Value should be things that take longer and/or are hardest to do. I would consider mowing the lawn (with a push mower...not a riding mower, cheater) a High Value chore. "Clean entire bathroom" is a High Value chore. (You'll want a few of these large task chores) Low Value chores take 5mins or less. So, if you don't have a lot of dust collecting surfaces, "Dust" would be a Low Value chore. "Gather laundry" is Low Value (because it shouldn't be on the floor anyway, right?) Everything else is a Moderate Value chore.

Okay, assign each a color and write them on the appropriate card. I'm picky so I'd do "red/orange" for High, "yellow" Moderate, and "green" would be Low. You can do whatever you want.

Ready? We're almost finished! Take the colors and decide on a point value. NOT a monetary value, we'll do that later. Figure out how many points each color is worth. High Value should have a High Number. It can be 1-2-3 for all I care. Got it? Moving on...

What do you do with these? You'll want each child to choose a special container for themselves. Each time they choose a card (and with THIS system they are allowed to sort through the cards until they find what they want to do) they complete the chore AND THE CHORE GETS CHECKED BY A PARENT. Then, they can put the card in their container to get the point. At the end of the day you go by and count the points and write it down in a place that you control (to quell cheating). If it's a chore that gets done daily (like dishes or laundry) put it back in the stack. Otherwise put the card into a different folder so it can't be chosen again (because you can only scrub a toilet so many times during a week!) At the end of each week tally up the points and give out payment. Well, what motivates most kids these days? If you said "satisfaction of a job well done" I'd keep it to myself because you'll get hatemail from several of my readers! (I think that's awesome, though!) If you said, "Money" keep reading. Figure out how much you want to pay them. If you used small numbers for points you can give them a dollar a point. It's totally up to your family.

Gather everyone for a family meeting. Explain how the point system works. (Leave out the payment part) Read off a few examples of the chores. Watch all the kids roll their eyes and start to fidget. Smile and say, "And then at the end of the week we'll give out an allowance." Now you have their attention! Explain how it works.

For this you could even keep a list of who has Top Points for a month and give them a special prize. Maybe a little extra money, cooking the dinner of their choice, or a family activity that they want to do. The possibilities are endless.

A Sense of Community

I'm going to start of by saying I am NOT a theologian. I have not taken theology classes or officially studied theology. Most of what I post regarding Scripture has been researched to the best of my ability when necessary. Everything I post regarding Scripture has been put on my heart for some reason. I believe that when a thought/Scripture sticks with you it's because the Holy Spirit is revealing something to you and I choose to use my blog to share that with others.

Today I post on Community. It seems broad right? Let me tell you how I got here and maybe it will make sense.

Stefan had a coworker that belongs to the Mormon Community. One night she and I got to talking about her beliefs (because learning about different faiths is AWESOME and I encourage you to always take that opportunity whether you "buy it" or not!) One thing she mentioned that stuck with me is the strong sense of community. In her faith, they try to do business with other Mormons whenever possible. (Especially small businesses) They also jump up and help each other out whenever they can. I found this really cool (for lack of a better word).

Recently I was reading a blog about a woman that grew up Amish. In one post she talks about a tradition in the Amish Community for new mothers: An unmarried woman comes to live with her and takes over housework and childcare so mom can focus on bonding with her new baby. Again, how cool is that?

This led to me thinking, "Why don't we see that in Christian Communities?" I know there's at least one reader out there thinking, "Well, in my church..." and I want to stop you there. That is EXACTLY what I'm talking about here. I'm sure that you'd lend a hand to a fellow church member. You know, someone you know well. What if it were someone you KNEW was a good Christian (let's say they attend a different church or even denomination); would you be as willing to help?

There's a Scripture that touches on this:
Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.  1 Corinthians 1:10 (NKJV)


Now, I know it's easier (more convenient?) to worship with people that believe the same doctrine that you do. I get that. But, in the end, does it really matter that Church A believes in infant baptism and Church B doesn't? Isn't the big picture to raise that child to accept Christ? And further more, when did Jesus ever say that Christianity would be convenient?? Everything I've read talks about having troubles and being persecuted. We believe that when someone ridicules our faith. We believe it when our car breaks down on the way to an important meeting. We believe it when a family member becomes ill. But we go out of our way to worship with people that only believe EXACTLY how we believe. Churches divide over details all the time. I believe the term is "sacred cow." 


Now, there are some major differences between denominations. Some believe "once saved, always saved" and some believe that a single time of sin can make you lose your salvation. I can see that keeping people apart. Those aren't the kinds of things I'm talking about here. 



I think I'm rambling...


I recently found a great sermon on this exact thing. There are a few quotes I want to share.

An attitude will determine first of all, not a constitution, not a doctrine, but what is our attitude to life, what is our attitude to other believers, what is our attitude to the Lord Jesus Christ and His Lordship in my life - that will determine whether we are united or whether we are divided in the church!

Now people get this idea of Christian unity that we have to surrender our minds up to somebody else, that we have to give our wills over to some church leader, and we're not allowed to think any more for ourselves, and somebody else acts on our behalf. That is the thing of cults, strange Eastern religions, that is not the unity that Christ speaks of in His word - the unity in the Spirit. It's not some kind of dictatorship, but it is a unity nevertheless, but a unity that is based on the common leadership of the Lord Jesus Christ - a surrender not to a human being alone, but a surrender to Him, to His word, and to His Spirit as His Spirit guides us through the word to its precepts and principles.

. . .

God doesn't give us the word of God and these standards on the basis of our human ability, He gives us commands, He gives us promises on the basis of divine provision. God never ever, right throughout the Scriptures, demotes His own standards and practices because of our human limitations, but He does the exact opposite: He provides the strength and the ability that we need to do what He commands - that is the miracle of salvation in Christ! He can make us into something by grace that we could never of ourselves ever be.

Copyright 2002 by Pastor David Legge All Rights Reserved

 Take a look at yourself and your church. Are there divisions within your church? Why? Is it over a major piece of theology or something trivial like where the pulpit should sit? Do you avoid supporting your fellow Christian only based on denomination? When was the last time you attended a fund-raising event for a church of a different denomination?

I'd love to hear your thoughts and host a respectful discussion!

Chores and Allowance

The topic has come up a lot in my life lately: Chores and Allowance. Should children be expected to do chores? Should they be paid for it? What happens if they refuse to do chores until they get paid?

I decided to ask real moms what they thought. I received some great responses. The opinions are fairly diverse and come from moms with kids of varying ages. I'll go ahead and let you know what these moms are saying before giving my own thoughts. I removed the names of their children for the sake of privacy.

First of all, what kinds of chores are kids doing these days?

Cheyenne, mother of a 10 year old and 11 year old, had this to say:

[11 year old]: Unloading the dishwasher, wiping down the entire kitchen. He vacuums, starts and rotates laundry, careful NEVER to touch my clothes which are air-dried only, he wipes down the dining room table, which is really a craft and home schooling paperwork disaster, wipes down all media, both computers/desks, empties waste baskets throughout the house, and empties and re-lines the kitchen garbage can. (The wiping and garbages can be done by either kid.) He gets an extra few bucks for giving the toilets a cursory wipe down in between my manic cleanings, and he sweeps the back porch, where we enter the house.
[10 year old]: puts the silverware away because she has total OCD about exactly how it's stacked and insists no one else can do it correctly, she makes sure all the shoes we kick off upon entry are stacked perfectly on the shoe sorter, lest I trip and fall and break my neck. She also dusts, wipes, and has to lint roll all upholstered furniture and my prized suede ottomans, mostly because I need it to be that way but I blame it on her dog. She uses the hand held Dirt Devil to vacuum all four bath mats because they are expensive and have to air dry for 13 years, so I keep them vacuumed. She re-stocks paper towels, t.p., napkins, etc., and sweeps and Swiffers the kitchen floor.

Both kids have to straighten their beds, keep clothes off the floor (not a problem, they've been doing it since birth), and put all their stuff in their own rooms, and bring in the recycling and garbage every week. I write chore lists every night or morning, and they are free to sleep in and start in when they're awake, but they can't wait until 4pm.

Karen is a mother of a 3.5 year old and a 6.5 year old:

At 3, getting dressed morning and evening, brushing his own teeth, feeding the dog breakfast, and putting his shoes in/near his cubby are all that I ask.
At 6, all of the above (except he does dinner for the dog), makes his bed every morning, takes the dog out once a day, and cleans up toys when asked (even if it’s not his own mess).

Heather has four children aged 14, 12, 5, and 2:

Older two help me with whatever I ask. They do dishes, help with laundry, mow the lawn, keep their areas clean, take out the trash, etc. The younger one cleans his room, clears his dishes off the table, and picks up his toys. The youngest one picks up her toys with assistance.

Emma shared what chores her 5 year old completes:

He clears his own plate from the table, puts his dirty clothes in the hamper, and is expected to help tidy when asked. He fixes his own snack and can get things for his sister. He helps to do laundry, and helps to put away laundry. He used to hang all the wet socks and underwear until our little line broke. He makes his own bed. He helps in the garden. Simple stuff like that. When he wants to, he mops the kitchen or bathroom. At 5 there aren't that many "chores" he can do totally unsupervised other than clean up his toys or make his bed, so I take the approach that he works with me when I am doing things.

Erin is the mother of 2 teens that are active with jobs and sports:

[Daughter] unloads the dishwasher every time it's clean. And [Son] takes out the garbage. They are expected to clean up after themselves, and put away their own laundry, I usually fold it, but sometimes I have [Daughter] do that. [Son] gets wood for our woodstove (we heat with it and heat water all year long.) I don't expect a lot, but I expect them to do it when I ask because I don't expect a lot. I don't have a lot of expectations for lots of reasons, but mostly because I want the focus to be on schoolwork during the week, not the 5 chores I have to do tonight. And [Daughter] works, plays softball and does a play at school and [Son] plays every sport known to man. I give them extra stuff to do on the weekends they are home, but I really want homework and extracurriculars to come first.

So, it looks like there are a lot of kids out there that have a list of things to do around the house. You can mention that to your child the next time they believe it's unfair that you ask the dishes be clean! However, are all of these children getting paid for their efforts? The answers were divided. Some parents believe that children should always receive an allowance; while others believe that “chores” should not receive compensation and only the “above and beyond” should be paid out.

Cheyenne: I do support allowance because it introduces helpfulness, an awareness of what it takes to run a household, a work ethic, and the satisfaction of earning their clink. Also, even kids need a few bucks, so it's a win-win all around. I don't believe kids should just get spending money every week for nothing.
The allowance we give is for chores. If we fall behind as a family, they are not punished. If they slack, they will bust their asses to make it up by Friday. Do the work, doing your best, 'cause I will have [Daughter] re-sweep if she misses corners, and you'll get your ca$h. Period.

Karen: When children become older and are responsible for much of what their parents hired out when they were younger, yet see no monetary gain, they become very resentful. In my opinion, if a child is responsible for laundry, cleaning the house, yardwork, or younger sibling care, they should be paid 50% of what you’d pay a professional to do the same job.

Denise is the mother of a 23 month old: I feel they should EARN an allowance, not just have it given to them. I think if they earn it then they can understand the value of money and learn to value hard work and be prepared for the real world.

Heather: We reward for going above and beyond, IE I will pay you $2 to clean out my car. But to me, pay is all commission.

Erin: I don't do allowances. I have always given them the money they need it to go out with friends or to a movie, and tell them the things they do are because they are a part of our household. If they do something I consider out of the norm, ([Son] gets $10 to mow our grass, and [Daughter] gets $5 for cleaning out the whole fridge, etc.) I pay them a nominal amount. That way they have the option to do more than expected to earn money, but we don't fight about the expectations. I want them to know that money does not grow on trees, but not have their world revolve around it, you know?

Focus on the Family reminds parents: First, recognize the difference between a chore (an ongoing task that benefits the household) and a life skill (an activity that children should know how to do before living on their own, such as managing a checking account).

The number of chores for each child varied by family. The consensus, however, was to refrain from overloading a child. The moms I spoke to believe in quality over quantity. Cheyenne sums it up by saying: I'd rather have a child do three things that really do help than 10 chores that are half-done. Burning them out serves no one. Just gotta gauge your own kids.

What about those kids that just REFUSE chores? Well, most of the moms use the natural consequences approach. Usually the consequences for not completing a chore are natural consequences: You lose the time for doing whatever you wanted to do next. Or maybe, a toy gets cleaned up and put away in the storage closet. But usually its more like, we'll go to the park when this is done, or something. -Emma

Well, what do I think?

I'm still figuring this one out. However, I'm leaning toward the belief that children shouldn't get paid for doing something that helps the household run. So, things like laundry or dishes don't get an allowance. If you do something above the daily chores like mow the lawn or wash the car you should be compensated accordingly. Also, if you do an especially good job of a regular chore (like, I ask you to clean the kitchen and you clean out the fridge in the process or I find you scrubbing the floor instead of just wiping) I'll give you a little something more.

Yes, my son is only 16 months old. So, what do I know, right? Well, children WANT to help us. Notice I said “children” and not “teenagers” there? My son doesn't view “helping Mama and Daddy” as chores. He views it as fun!

Right now he does several “chores” with help:

• 
  
  
  
  Puts his clothes in the drawer (I have to take them in there, but he puts them in the drawer)
• 
  
  
  
  Picks up toys and other messes
• 
  
  
  
  Puts up folded towels
• 
  
  
  
  Unloads the bottom rack in the dishwasher
• 
  
  
  
  Wipes low surfaces (well, sort of. He wipes a small area, but I believe it's the effort that counts)
• 
  
  
  
  Empties out his potty chair

No, I'm not some crazy slave driver that forces her small child into a life of labor! All of these things were done on his own. He started taking silverware out of the dishwasher while we unloaded it so we started saying “Thank you, Franklin!” and taking it out of his hand. He quickly learned that we wanted him to give it to us. Recently he started taking it out and lifting it into the drawer. He can't get it in the silverware divider, but he knows that the drawer is where it goes. He picked up a folded towel out of the blue one day and started walking to the bathroom with it. If I say, “Help Mommy pick up” when he's poured his snack all over the floor he'll come over and help me pick up the pieces. He's also much more thorough than I might be. He'll pick up the teeny tiny pieces that I plan to leave for the vacuum.

I really liked the information on the Focus on the Family website: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/motivating_kids_to_clean_up.aspx

What do you do if you have teenagers that didn't develop the “chore” habit? First of all, you need to develop a line of communication. Sit down in a family meeting and find out exactly why they hate chores, if they feel they should be paid (and how much!), what chores do they find fair, etc... If you come in and start forcing chores on them they'll just dig their heels in even more. Everyone needs to know what's expected of them and why.

I do believe that teenagers be expected to help out around the house. If for no other reason than developing good habits and skills. Trust me, I went to college with 18-20 year olds that had no idea how to do simple tasks like laundry. This kids (for lack of a better word) were at a severe disadvantage. They don't need a lot of chores, but they do need basic skills.

I want to thank all of the moms that helped me with this project! I hope that this blog has helped you gain some perspective. If you have any additional thoughts or questions please post a comment!

How To: Break Some Rules?

I came across this on FoxNews. It's a brief article on How To Conceal and Office Romance.

Is this innocent advice? I mean, the article itself states that "...sometimes emotions — and hormones — get the best of you" and "While an office romance is a very common occurrence and not quite as taboo as it once was..."  


But aren't most office romances, I don't know, against the rules? The first sentence even says it: While most people don’t find a problem with letting their co-workers know about the love blossoming between the cubicle walls, the fine print of many company contracts says a little something about office romances. Usually, this fine print is a warning of some kind, so it’s often a good idea to conceal your passionate office romp.

 Is it weird that I'm a bit bothered by this?

"I've seen worse"

This comment really bothers me. Maybe I'm a prude, but when I saw these news articles I was bothered.

Yes, the woman isn't "showing anything" and I'm sure you've "seen worse" but is that really a good standard of measurement? Should we really be able to look at a totally naked woman on display and say, "Well, at least her private bits are covered" or "At least she's not having sex"?

I know that there are plenty of people that will say, "Nudity is natural" and "Look at art! Nudity is in art!" Well, if you do your research, there's also PORNOGRAPHY in "art." There was violence and murder in "art." Are those things also to be universally accepted and celebrated?

As long as people keep making excuses companies will continue to push the envelope! If we let them get away with this what will be next? A little more breast? A little more of her rear? Maybe her laying flat while covering her "private bits" with her hands? Just a little bit more at a time. I'm sure we've all heard the "frog in the water" story. If you want to cook a frog there's a specific way to do it. If you drop the frog into boiling water it will jump right out every time. However, if you put it in while the water is cool and THEN start the heat the frog won't realize it's boiling until it's too late. My dear readers, we are that frog!

You can sell lotion in a tank top and shorts. You can sell lotion using a close-up of hands or feet. You can sell lotion using a woman in a pretty dress in a field of flowers. You can sell lotion using a picture of a mom in an apron washing dishes. There are all sorts of images that would sell lotion without using nudity!!


Prude:

–noun

a person who is excessively proper or modest in speech, conduct, dress, etc.

 I didn't used to be a prude...but I guess I am now...

Because men don't have self worth...right?

 Disclaimer: This post is not for young viewers.

When commercials like this come on:


Feminists around the world get up in arms about how it's demeaning to women and "real women don't look like that" and blah blah blah.


However, commercials like these:




And television shows with this:


have everyone strangely silent.

Let's look at the definition of the word DEMEAN
–verb (used with object)to lower in dignity, honor, or standing; debase
—Synonyms  degrade, humble, humiliate, mortify. 

Uhm, am I the only one that sees it? When women are used as sex objects people jump to defend their honor. When it's men it's okay?  Can we see the definition of DOUBLE STANDARD please?
any code or set of principles containing different provisions for one group of people than for another
Yeah, that's what I thought it meant...

*Sigh* And people say children are still innocent?

Pole Dancing Classes For TEN YEAR OLDS

A DANCE studio was today blasted for offering pole dancing classes to children as young as 10.

The sessions, which are being run for 10 to 16-year-olds at
Fusion Dance School in South Shore, Blackpool, have been branded "totally inappropriate" and "disgusting" by parents - including dad Chris Hyde - and community leaders.

While bosses at the school insist "Junior Pole Dance Fitness" is a form of exercise monitored by parents, Blackpool Council's leader says it is premature sexualisation of children.

Coun Peter Callow said: "This is totally inappropriate.

The councillor, who launched the resort's anti-sleaze campaing, added: "This is dressed up as healthy exercise, but there will be parents who think it is extremely harmful for children to be gyrating around a pole in a sexy manner.

"It's not a harmless children's pursuit, this is children acting as grown-ups.

"One of the main responsibilities of a council is to protect children from harm.

"We have every reason to be concerned. If any of these girls roll up to a club already trained up with fake ID, who's to say what's going to happen?"

The Gazette understands there are currently six children – the youngest aged 10 and the oldest 14 – who are taking part in Fusion's six-week course, which costs £30.

Sessions include a 10 minute warm-up, followed by exercises such as the pole spilt – similar to the splits on the ground but holding onto the pole – and pulling the body up the pole.

Concerned Sam Bell, who co-runs FY West Coast street dance classes, said: "10-years-old is a little bit young. There are other dances they could be doing.

"If they can deter it away from the sexual side of pole dancing, it's great for fitness. Maybe the 15 to 16-year-olds would be OK."
Father-of-two Chris Hyde, 38, whose 13-year-old daughter goes to street dance classes in Blackpool, said: "I think it's disgusting someone has come up with this course.

"In this day and age young girls grow up so quickly. I think most parents would be pretty upset if they knew that's what children are doing.

"There is too much exposure to this kind of thing in magazines, on television and the internet. They don't need to be taken to a dance studio to be shown these moves too."

But Carolyn Armstrong, principal dance teacher and owner of Fusion Dance School, said the pole fitness classes were exercise sessions and parents have to sign a consent form before children can join in.

The school, which runs lessons by qualified dance teachers, says it is very specific about asking the children to wear school gym gear and invites parents to watch the classes.

She said: "We don't do pole dancing, we don't do the sleazy side of pole. People get the wrong end of the stick."

What about pole dancing ISN'T sleazy? I'll be the first to admit that Yes, it's exercise. (Hip movements tone your core...ask a bellydancer) Yes, it's difficult. (Holding your body weight up on a pole? That MUST be hard) But is it appropriate? NO.

Personally, I think that the dance classes for "little girls" tend to be a bit over sexual anyway. People seem to think it's cute to dress their 5 year old up in skimpy hot pants and have her shake her butt to Britney Spears. When she's 5 it's cute, but when she's 15 it's trashy? That's a HUGE mixed message. Why not keep it inappropriate throughout the ages?

I remember seeing a special on the news (many years ago) about a "new" Cheerleading competition...the outfits and dances had to be modest. (Of course, it was Christian based. Do you even have to ask?) The girls wore longer skirts and had to have sleeve caps on their tops AND the had to cover their stomachs. The performances were focused on cheer ability and dance and tumbling talent; not the sex appeal of the dance moves. At the time I rolled my eyes (I was 16 and a liberal feminist) but now I look at it and think, "Good idea."

I was glad to hear that the parents were outraged over the classes. However, what kind of person thinks up this sort of thing and thinks it's okay? Let's keep our children innocent for a bit longer shall we?

Glee and Madonna...toxic combination?

Let me preface by stating that I understand that Glee is not intended for children. However, I'm sure it's being viewed by teenagers. I'll admit to having several of the songs on my music player because it's fun to listen to the kids to covers of songs I enjoy.

Episode 15 was all about Madonna. That alone should be enough to let you know the general theme of the episode. Madonna, the woman that brought us cone bras and several sexually explicit books, was the idol for this episode.

The Cheer Coach (Sue) idolizes Madonna and instructs her squad to do the same. (The girls are given bracelets that say WWMD for “What Would Madonna Do?”) The squad is instructed, to be more like the idol, to date younger men. Later two of the girls have a conversation that goes like this:

Brittany: Guess who I'm dating...Wes Brody. He's super cute. He plays soccer with my sister. He's seven.

Santana: Ugh, Crap! I need a younger, inferior man. If I don't find one Coach Sylvester will kick me off the Cheerios for sure.

Brittany: Hello! Finn! His birthday is, like, three days before yours. He's super dumb.

Santana: We already tried with Finn and he hates us.

*Pause* Let me clarify: in the episode before this one the two girls tried to convince Finn to date them...by making the deal that if bought them dinner they would make out in front of him. Great message! Continue:

Brittany: Trust me, the way to get a man to follow you forever: Take his virginity.

Does that make anyone else uncomfortable? She just said she's dating a seven year old and then followed it with “take his virginity.” Seriously.

Backing up, the girls in Glee Club are having a conversation about the way the men have been treating them. One girl, Rachel, comments, “How do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying No? [to sex]” The girls from the above conversation comment, “Just do what I do: Never say no.” “Totally, I mean, what's the worst that could happen?” (She then turns and apologizes to the pregnant girl on the team) Another girl states that “we just have to accept that guys don't care about our feelings.”

I'm sorry. I'm really getting sick and tired of television shows trashing men. Masculine men are viewed as “chauvinistic pigs” while the feminine men are loved and adored by the women on the show. I want my boys to know that it's okay to grow up and be a manly man. And I want my girls to know that masculinity doesn't mean men are horrible creatures.

Normally I don't mind the musical numbers on the show. There is the occasional hip thrust, but a lot of it works like a general musical with the numbers worked into the actual show. (Characters walking around, going about their lives, while singing.) However, this episode was a bit over the top. The girls did a performance to Madonna's “Express Yourself” while wearing bustier tops...in fact, I found the video on YouTube:

The other number that REALLY bothered me was the one done to Madonna's “Like a Virgin.” Two of the teen couples and an adult couple are talking about having sex for the first time. We weren't comfortable having our 1 year old anywhere near this one:

The girl, Rachel, doesn't end up having sex. However, when she's talking to Finn (the boy of the other couple) she feels the need to insinuate that she did. Finn, tells the opposite lie. He tells Rachel that he “couldn't go through with it” even though he did. There's a flashback to right after he and Santana finished and he says, “I thought I'd feel different after.” She answers, “Yeah, well, I've noticed it takes another twenty or so times before the feeling of accomplishment kicks in.”

The guys have their number, as well. They get around the piano and do a rendition of Madonna's “What it Feels Like for a Girl.” Full Lyrics

I'll give you a few of the lyrics:

Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

Hurt that's not supposed to show
And tears that fall when no one knows

Again, not the message I want my children to get. I don't want my boys to want to look like girls. Not because I view being a girl as degrading, but because THEY'RE BOYS. I had to laugh out loud when the gay man of the group refers to himself as “an honorary girl.”

In summary, the previous episodes haven't been as focused on sex. I usually don't have a problem with this show. I mean, it's supposed to be a fun, musical kind of show. However, having an episode like this one air to our already over sexualized youth bothered me. Kids get bombarded with sex themes enough as it is and this episode wasn't any different. I'd like to see a television show that promoted abstinence and modesty for once. Would that be too much to ask?