Rape Culture

This is going to have a few personal moments.


I had a thought this morning about the whole idea of Rape Culture. Why are people so hesitant to change the standard? Why don't we talk about it? (Other than it's a tough subject) Why do people want to blame the woman? I actually don't believe it's an anti-woman thing.

We don't want to admit that we've been part of it.

I've heard said recently that instead of "no means no" we should teach "yes means yes and everything else means no." I love that. However, it's meeting some difficulty in society. Why? Why is that so hard?

By changing how we view consent, it makes rape a lot more common.

Scary, right?

If we change it to "if she didn't actively say yes then it's rape" there's a whole bunch of men that have take a hard look at their sexual encounters. What about that girl that didn't seem too into it but didn't say no? What about the girl that said "I'm not sure..." and then didn't say anything again?

When I lost my virginity (too young) it all happened too fast and I wasn't 100% sure. But I never said no. Was I raped? Do you have any idea how hard that thought is to process? It's hard to think about it as an active decision (I never said no so I wanted it...right?) but it's even more painful to think about it with the word "rape" attached.

See, we don't want to think about it in that way. We, as a society, need to think about rape as a random act of violence. We need to think that it's not THAT common and if we stay sober, stay to the lights, and keep our pepper spray handy it won't happen to us. But if we change the terms, if we change the way of thinking about it, then I'd be willing to bet it HAS happened to many of us already.

So that's why we keep hearing "she never said no" (no matter that she was passed out) or whatever. Society is holding on to the belief that it can't happen to them. I hate to be the one to burst bubbles...but it probably already has. We need to grieve, heal, and teach the next generation better.

GUILTy Party

Guilt. We've all dealt with it...some of us to greater degrees than others.

Honestly, every therapist/counselor I've ever visited asks the same question at some point in our sessions... "Have you felt guilt about anything lately?" It's rude to burst out laughing (and it makes me look crazy) but I always end up making a scoffing noise of some kind. Why? Because I'm one of those people that seems to carry guilt around constantly.

It's not just over the big things. I remember little mistakes I made, lies I told, etc from many many years ago. They'll rear their ugly heads randomly and I'll get a wash of guilt.

Well last night this little acronym came to me. It's a simple way to change focus in the moment. So, the next time you feel like the GUILTy Party just remember...

G od
U nderstands
I' m
L ess
T han
-
P erfect

It's not an exact matchup to the letters but it works. I vow to try to use it this week anytime guilt rises in me. I want you to do the same.

Medicated American...and Proud.

I have officially been a Medicated American for over a month now.

And I'm darn proud of it.

My anxiety is much more manageable. Yes, I still get overwhelmed but I hear that's normal. I don't get overwhelmed and then spiral into a vast pit of despair. I don't freak out when the kids freak out. I haven't had chest pains in WEEKS.

My dreams are WEIRD but that's okay. I've gotten a few creative plots written down for future use thanks to odd dream sequences. My creativity is back up.

I only had a few weeks of adjustment issues. For about 2 weeks everything tasted bland. I think that was the one symptom I wasn't prepared to handle. I could only eat spicy things for that period...and then I got my wisdom teeth removed shortly thereafter. It's been a funny time diet wise.

My PMDD hasn't been as bad this month. I'm only symptomatic a few days before starting my cycle as opposed to the usual 10. 3-4 days of a short temper and junk food cravings? Totally tolerable!


I know a lot of people disagree with medication...but it is one of the best decisions I've made lately. I feel like a better parent. I can ACTUALLY PARENT instead of just reacting to my surroundings. It's wonderful. I feel wonderful.

My Wisdom on Wisdom Teeth

HA! I'm in the mood for a cheesy title.

Recently I finally got my wisdom teeth removed...a good 10 years after being told I needed them out.

That's right. My teeth were SIDEWAYS in my head. 

The surgery itself wasn't so bad. My advice if you're doing Twilight Sedation? TAKE MUSIC. I put a bunch of music on my phone and popped in a headphone right before I went under. I remember little bits of the surgery (burning from the lidocaine and a few unpleasant sounds) but I mostly remember music. The surgeon and nurses thought it was an awesome idea...so I highly recommend it.

Recovery, on the other hand, was not as a great an experience...

I was prepared for the swelling and general discomfort

My sweet boys.

I wasn't prepared for the bruising.

I swear, officer, it wasn't me in that bar fight.

I also wasn't prepared to get DRY SOCKET.

I did everything right and got it anyway. It turns out, lower impacted wisdom teeth usually get it no matter what you do.

Which means this made up the bulk of my diet for over a week.

No matter how many smoothie recipes you know...you get tired of smoothies. 

I also discovered that this is a discovery I put up there with FIRE for awesomeness and importance.

It tastes like death but it numbs.

I'm finally on the mend. I don't need pain meds like candy. The pain is downgraded to "hurts when it gets poked" instead of "constant throbbing."

That's where I've been the last week and a half. Whew. I'm glad it's over!!

Happy New Year!!

It's time for that inevitable list of New Year's Resolutions! Are you tired of reading all of these on your blogs yet?

I have a few fitness based ones but those will go on my fitness blog instead.

Here's to 2013!

1. Finish Writing My Book
I participated in NaNoWriMo this year and got a huge chunk of my book written. I've decided to actually pursue finishing it. I read a few things that got publishes recently (namely 50 Shades) and thought to myself "if THAT got published then why don't I try?"

2. Send Agent Queries
This goes along with number one.

3. Have an Organized Home
Isn't this one of those super common ones? I need it. I'm losing my MIND over here with the clutter.

4. Try Something New Each Month
This can be a new food, new recipe, new exercise, or even just a new menu item at my favorite restaurant. I'm avoiding getting stuck in a rut this year.

5. Blog Weekly
You're excited about that one, I'm sure.

6. Read Scripture Daily
Even just one verse...


Do you have any rockin' resolutions? Share with me!!

My Argument With God (the most recent one)

If God and I sat down and had an official discussion it would have gone something like this:

God: I have a blog idea for you. I know that you've had trouble coming up with new ones so I did it for you.

Me: Well thank you! What is it?

God: I want you to write about your past issues. Your eating disorder, your ex boyfriend, and your self harm.

Me: ......excuse me?

God: You haven't been able to get those things out of your head lately. They would be great tools for your book but I want you to blog about them.

Me: *silence*

God: You'll touch and save lives.

Me: *silence*

God: *silence*

Me: I can't. I just can't do it.

God: Yes, I'll help you.

Me: Nope.

God: This is what you're supposed to write about. You won't be able to come up with anything else until you do...and after a while your book will stall out as well. It will be cathartic AND helpful for someone.


That's how I imagine it would go anyway. How did it actually go? I got the feeling that I should write about these things and I ignored it...and then I hit writer's block all around.


So over the next few weeks I'll be doing several blogs covering several of these topics. I'll be including a lot of journal entries *gulp* and facts and links. Pray for me? This will be rough...