Unique Parenting Advice

You read all of the books. You visit the websites. You make friends and soak up every bit of advice you can...

And then you have kids and it all blows out of the water!!

I do want you to take this little piece of advice, though. Whether you co-sleep or not, it's useful to know. It's especially useful in toddlerhood.

Ready?

HAVE A MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT BED-CHANGE PLAN!

We've been battling a stomach bug around here. It seems to hit my youngest at night more than anything. When we were on vacation it was fine if he puked in the bed because someone ELSE would change the sheets. Now that we're home? It's up to the adults in the house! And we aren't dealing with puke anymore....think diaper blow-outs. They're gross when you're talking breastfed baby...they're trauma inducing when it's a toddler!! *shudder*

My husband and I have gotten pretty good at doing the change quickly at night. It came to us naturally. If that's you then that's great! If not, keep reading! There is hope!

1) Have extras of everything where everyone knows how to find them.
You want a change of clothes for EVERYONE (even if you don't co-sleep. Sometimes the mess will get on your PJs by transfer) If it's especially bad I'd recommend TWO of everything. Have an extra set of sheets at the ready. Know where that extra comforter is stored. Trust me, you might need it all.
(Last night's incident involved poop up to his shoulders. I wish I were exaggerating)

2) Assign the parents.
There's the "Child Parent" and the "Bed Parent" in my house. The CP takes the kid and focuses on cleaning him up. The BP focuses on getting the linens changed/washing and makes the bed. Whichever parent finishes FIRST helps the other if they need it.

3) Have clean-up supplies. 
Those old towels you want to throw out? Perfect for this job!! Who cares if they're stained beyond recognition afterwards? You were going to toss them anyway. If you use disposables (we have been at night) keep those plastic grocery bags handy. Keep your wipes handy as well.

It sounds simple because it really is...but in the middle of the night things can get jumbled and confused if you don't have a good plan in place. The first few times we had to do this I tried to do everything (because that's how I am) when I should have let my husband help!

Do you have a plan? When was the last time you had to change sheets in the middle of the night?

Dear Children

My Dearest Children,

I love you. I really do...but there are a few things you need to know.

1) I don't like it when your face is so close to mine.

No really, I can see how sad you are without you getting 2 inches away. Getting nose to nose with me will NOT make me suddenly give in to your demands. I love you SO MUCH but I can love you and cuddle you with a few inches of space after a sweet baby kiss.


2) I'm not trying to ruin all of your fun in life.

The FEW rules that I have are usually for safety. I know it's super fun to scale the dresser...but it's not safe and you just don't seem to realize that. I get that you didn't get *really* hurt the last time you fell doing something I SPECIFICALLY said not to...but that doesn't mean it's a safe activity.

3) When I tell you not to eat something it's REALLY for your own good.

I know you want Scooby Snack treats and bread and gummy snacks and a myriad of things that you've eaten before but now can't have. I'm SORRY! I know you feel better (you act better) when I'm strict with your diet. When you're old enough to make the connection we'll talk again. Until then, however, I control your foods.

4) There is no Parent Eating Monster in the bathroom

It's okay to let Mommy and Daddy go alone...really.


Anything you'd like to tell your kids? Anything you relate to on here? Share with us!!

One Size Fits Some

Parenting is not one size fits all.

What works for some parents won't work for you. What worked for your first kid probably won't work for the second.

I'm reminded of this so much with my two boys! They're very different. It might be birth order and it might be pure personality.

Franklin is an introvert. He plays well by himself and recharges by being ALONE.

Jonathan is an extrovert. He prefers to play with others and hates being alone.

This obviously creates conflict within THEIR relationship...but it's also hard for us as parents.

We talked about it yesterday. Sometimes I'll be playing with Jonathan (again) and notice Franklin sitting by himself and that Mommy Guilt kicks in..."Am I choosing favorites?" "Does Franklin think I don't' love him as much?" So I'll call out to Franklin, "Hey! Come play with me!" or "Come love on me!"

His response most of the time?

"No."

Why? Is it because he's mad at me? Nope, he's fine over in his own little bubble. He NEEDS that space to himself. I'm actually doing him a favor by keeping Jonathan away from him!

It's funny...but this is a prime example of what I'm talking about

Don't get me wrong, sometimes Franklin loves to cuddle. We cuddle to sleep at night. But I'm still learning how to meet his needs properly.

Does Your Reflection Show Your Love?

I avoid the mirror.

It's a habit from when I was a teenager and deep into my eating disorder. I still have a distorted view of my body (I see fat where there isn't any) so the habit is still there. It might be a little amusing to watch me spend time in the bathroom and only look in the mirror once or twice.

I need this.

I know a lot of people feel that children reflect their parents' parenting. (Sometimes I hope that's not true because my son is a typical 3 year old!!) This morning he parroted something that I didn't like to hear. Jonathan (18mo) dumped out a baggie of crackers. This is typical for him and his general age group (just an FYI to new parents: 12mo-24mo is a lot of dumping) I asked them to pick them up and put them back in the bag. As I walked away to get some water I hear Franklin say, "It's you fault, Jonathan."
I froze.
He wasn't being ugly about it. He was very matter of fact. I calmly asked him to repeat what he said to make sure I heard right (this was before coffee...I mishear all sorts of fun things before coffee) He did. I did.
My heart broke a little bit. Is that how he hears me? Have I said that to him? Maybe he heard it on a show... Is he a reflection of how much I love them?

2 Corinthians 3:18 says Our faces, then, are not covered. We all show the Lord's glory, and we are being changed to be like him. This change in us brings ever greater glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (NCV)

The King James puts it this way:
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

We're supposed to be a reflection of God's love. Just like we want our children to reflect our love for them. Sometimes, especially on Facebook, I see so many Christians being downright hateful. Jesus loved everyone. He didn't APPROVE of everyone, but he sure loved them. I think that we forget that sometimes. Loving someone and showing them the love of Christ isn't the same as showing them approval of their behavior...but it's hard to be loving and condemn someone to hell in the same breath (or comment box).

Linking up

Pro-Ana (websites)

I truly don't remember what I searched in Yahoo! to bring up these pages. I just know that I searched *something* related to eating disorders and it brought up a pro-ana site. I felt like Alice falling down the rabbit hole into an entirely new world...

Read more at my Fitness Blog! If you're a parent YOU NEED THIS POST!!!

Are You Forgiving?

I'm doing the Good Morning Girls study on Ephesians. I'm in a Facebook group with some AWESOME ladies!

Today's verse was: Eph. 4:4-6 "There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to one hope when you were called; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

We ended up talking about the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18: 23-35. Basically, a servant is called in to his lord because he owes money. He BEGS to be given more time and the lord has compassion and forgives his debt. This servant immediately goes and starts demanding money from a fellow servant that owes him. (And, for the record, the debt is significantly smaller) The lord finds out and is livid and has the man thrown in jail. The lesson is basically: Forgive others if you expect to be forgiven.

For me this speaks a lot of marriage.

My husband has forgiven a lot. I have a troubled past and I'm not perfect (there are days I'm so far from it that it's ridiculous). But he forgives me. So, if my husband can forgive me what kind of person am I if I can't forgive others?

Even moreso, if GOD can forgive me...and He's a lot more jealous and picky than my husband...what kind of example am I setting if I can't forgive others? If I refuse to forgive someone am I reflecting Christ?

I struggle with this with my children. My toddler, especially today, has been troublesome.

He's a typical toddler. He doesn't listen, he yells back at me, he throws things, he plays rough, etc... I have to remember (remind myself) that he lives in the moment. So, when he throws something and gets disciplined he's over it 5mins later even if *I'M* not over it.

But isn't it like that with God? Scripture tells us that time means nothing to God. So what feels like an eternity for me is like a fingersnap for God. When I'm dwelling on something God may be saying "Forgive and move on."

Linking up!

Rules I've Made Lately

I know moms of 2 year old can probably relate to this...I make the oddest rules. I have to. It's things I've never thought about before. Things like:

- Don't lick the dustpan


- Do not empty the vacuum bag onto the floor...and if you do, don't eat peanuts you find inside.


- Do not drink water you scoop out of the sink. (The dishes are soaking in there)


- Making toys jump is the same as throwing them and you'll still get in trouble.




I've also come to realize why my mother pretended to change her name...I loved the sound of "mama" when it 


first came. Now I'm considering changing my name to something crazy like Methuselah.








What are some odd rules you've made lately?? 

Hindsight

Hindsight is always 20/20...

I realize now that it was there the second he was born.

- The nurses thought it was odd that he didn't cry when he got his vitamin K shot at birth.
- They had to MAKE him cry to get his Apgar. 
- He didn't flinch when they did his PKU stick.

I joked that he was tough like his Daddy.

- He fought being swaddled...he HAD to have his hands free. (At a day old)
- He would only sleep facedown on my chest....until he got older and was so heavy I couldn't breathe. 
- The only way to get sleep in chunks longer than 30mins was to have him in bed next to me. Even then he only slept an hour at a time...until 6 months and he "graduated" to 2 hours at a time.

I'm justified it by saying that I'm not a good sleeper and poor thing must have inherited my insomnia.

- If we went out to eat it couldn't be busy...and God Help Me if someone had a birthday. We'd have to eat fast or the screaming would start.
- He spent most of his life diaperless because a wet diaper meant screaming bloody murder.
- I would spend hours on my feet walking or hours in the glider rocking because it was the only way he would nap.

I learned about "high needs" kids and saw a lot of my son in it.

- He falls down and I hold my breath...will he laugh and shrug it off or will this be a screaming fit?
- I have to wipe his hands numerous times during dinner...he falls and gets dirt on his hands and screams until you wipe them off. 

He's quirky. He's unique.

- Night-weaning takes a month. A month of no sleep and screaming for hours. 
- Nothing helps him sleep...I do EVERYTHING that's suggested to me...routine/no routine, noise machine, dark room, aromatherapy...and bedtime is still an hour of screaming. Or...
- We let him sit on the couch until 10pm when he passes out sitting up. 

High Needs. Spirited. Insomnia. That's it, right?

- He jumps off the couch and crashes to the floor. That can't be comfortable and it sure isn't safe. And try as I might I can't.make.him.stop.
- There are no clean bottles and I try to give him milk in a cup. He starts screaming hysterically. This goes on for at least 10mins...I even wash a bottle and fill it with milk but by then he's too far gone. His breathing is ragged, he's gagging, he's bright red...I cry with him because it's painful to watch.

My depression gets worse. My anxiety goes up. I frequently sit in the shower and cry because deep down I know that something isn't right.


Now I know...something WASN'T right. He has Sensory Processing Disorder. It's actually pretty mild...but when you're in the middle of things it doesn't seem like it.

So when you see the kid screaming in the high chair, see the mom updating Facebook again about how overwhelmed she is, or hear the kid screaming in the grocery store don't judge. I'm doing the very best I can.

This is why we bought the house...

THERE'S A YARD! No, there's no grass yet (which is fine by Franklin as he loves to grab handfuls of dirt pour them on Mommy)

We spent 30mins outside in the warmer weather and sunshine yesterday. And you know what? He took a nap an hour later.

Sad Note: An ant got into his shirt and stung him repeatedly. He has three stings on his shoulder. Poor kid.

He spent most of the time running from the house to the fence...

...and back again.

He'd pretend to go inside and then rush back out.

No, not inside yet.

Every stumble is a chance to pick up rocks!

Like I've said before: My son is spirited. He has a ton of pent-up energy. Living in the apartment I kept noticing that around noon his behavior would go downhill and stay there until Daddy got home. I was disciplining him constantly and not seeing any improvement. So, instead of upping the discipline (like some parenting books will tell you to do) I reevaluated the situation. What did Daddy have that Mommy didn't? Well, Mommy was big and pregnant with horrible back pain and Daddy was getting down on the floor and wrestling or chasing Frankie through the living room...things Mommy wasn't physically able to do. We (Stefan and I) concluded that it was that pent-up energy that was causing the behavior problems. However, there wasn't much we could do in an apartment with nowhere to play outside! This yard is a huge blessing. We did the best we could with the previous small space, but having a big yard to just PLAY in has been amazing.

So, if you're noticing behavior issues in your toddler (especially your toddler BOY) evaluate how much space he has to play. Are you inside a lot? Maybe there's a lot of pent up energy causing the behavior problems. If you can't get outside try a really physical inside activity. Dance like crazy, run around, exercise, etc... I'm willing to bet if you try a different tactic you'll find more success.


Linking to:

   

Chore System Idea

I'm sure you've seen the colored index cards in the store when you're school shopping. Heck, I'm sure that a few of you have purchased them instead of the plain white ones. (Let me tell you, studying for a test is MUCH more interesting in technicolor) Have you ever thought to use them to get your kids to do chores?

I know, it's probably an odd thought. Let me tell you about a little system I've used for myself AND used to get teenage family members to help tidy when they stay over.

I use Index Cards. Now, for my system I use the plain ones. What I did was take the cards and write a chore on each one. I shuffle the cards up and place them face down. Then, I grab the first card and flip it over. Whichever chore pops up on top is the one I have to go do and I can't come back until it's finished. It's actually a really effective system when you can't figure out where to start or, as rarely happens here, when your house looks clean but you know better. When my brother-in-law and cousin were visiting several months back we used this as a way to get everyone to clean. We set a time limit (we wouldn't clean more than an hour) and brought out the cards. We only had to clean 30mins (there was 4 of us and a toddler) and the living room, kitchen, and guest bath all got cleaned. It was amazing!

Okay, on to my brainstorm I had while not sleeping at whatever ungodly hour it was this morning...

You'd need to buy a pack (or two, we'll get to that) of the colored index cards. You can get the bright colored ones or the pastel ones. I really don't care either way. (If you have boys that will complain about "girl colors" I do suggest the bright ones, though)

Next, make a list of each chore in the house. Be very specific. Yes, this will probably take a few days as you think of random things. Don't just put "clean the bathroom." Break things down into detailed chores like "scrub the toilet inside and out." Trust me, it will matter for this system. You'll get a chance to be vague in the next steps but you'll still need the specifics.

Now take your list and organize the chores into three categories: High Value, Moderate Value, Low Value. High Value should be things that take longer and/or are hardest to do. I would consider mowing the lawn (with a push mower...not a riding mower, cheater) a High Value chore. "Clean entire bathroom" is a High Value chore. (You'll want a few of these large task chores) Low Value chores take 5mins or less. So, if you don't have a lot of dust collecting surfaces, "Dust" would be a Low Value chore. "Gather laundry" is Low Value (because it shouldn't be on the floor anyway, right?) Everything else is a Moderate Value chore.

Okay, assign each a color and write them on the appropriate card. I'm picky so I'd do "red/orange" for High, "yellow" Moderate, and "green" would be Low. You can do whatever you want.

Ready? We're almost finished! Take the colors and decide on a point value. NOT a monetary value, we'll do that later. Figure out how many points each color is worth. High Value should have a High Number. It can be 1-2-3 for all I care. Got it? Moving on...

What do you do with these? You'll want each child to choose a special container for themselves. Each time they choose a card (and with THIS system they are allowed to sort through the cards until they find what they want to do) they complete the chore AND THE CHORE GETS CHECKED BY A PARENT. Then, they can put the card in their container to get the point. At the end of the day you go by and count the points and write it down in a place that you control (to quell cheating). If it's a chore that gets done daily (like dishes or laundry) put it back in the stack. Otherwise put the card into a different folder so it can't be chosen again (because you can only scrub a toilet so many times during a week!) At the end of each week tally up the points and give out payment. Well, what motivates most kids these days? If you said "satisfaction of a job well done" I'd keep it to myself because you'll get hatemail from several of my readers! (I think that's awesome, though!) If you said, "Money" keep reading. Figure out how much you want to pay them. If you used small numbers for points you can give them a dollar a point. It's totally up to your family.

Gather everyone for a family meeting. Explain how the point system works. (Leave out the payment part) Read off a few examples of the chores. Watch all the kids roll their eyes and start to fidget. Smile and say, "And then at the end of the week we'll give out an allowance." Now you have their attention! Explain how it works.

For this you could even keep a list of who has Top Points for a month and give them a special prize. Maybe a little extra money, cooking the dinner of their choice, or a family activity that they want to do. The possibilities are endless.

Chores and Allowance

The topic has come up a lot in my life lately: Chores and Allowance. Should children be expected to do chores? Should they be paid for it? What happens if they refuse to do chores until they get paid?

I decided to ask real moms what they thought. I received some great responses. The opinions are fairly diverse and come from moms with kids of varying ages. I'll go ahead and let you know what these moms are saying before giving my own thoughts. I removed the names of their children for the sake of privacy.

First of all, what kinds of chores are kids doing these days?

Cheyenne, mother of a 10 year old and 11 year old, had this to say:

[11 year old]: Unloading the dishwasher, wiping down the entire kitchen. He vacuums, starts and rotates laundry, careful NEVER to touch my clothes which are air-dried only, he wipes down the dining room table, which is really a craft and home schooling paperwork disaster, wipes down all media, both computers/desks, empties waste baskets throughout the house, and empties and re-lines the kitchen garbage can. (The wiping and garbages can be done by either kid.) He gets an extra few bucks for giving the toilets a cursory wipe down in between my manic cleanings, and he sweeps the back porch, where we enter the house.
[10 year old]: puts the silverware away because she has total OCD about exactly how it's stacked and insists no one else can do it correctly, she makes sure all the shoes we kick off upon entry are stacked perfectly on the shoe sorter, lest I trip and fall and break my neck. She also dusts, wipes, and has to lint roll all upholstered furniture and my prized suede ottomans, mostly because I need it to be that way but I blame it on her dog. She uses the hand held Dirt Devil to vacuum all four bath mats because they are expensive and have to air dry for 13 years, so I keep them vacuumed. She re-stocks paper towels, t.p., napkins, etc., and sweeps and Swiffers the kitchen floor.

Both kids have to straighten their beds, keep clothes off the floor (not a problem, they've been doing it since birth), and put all their stuff in their own rooms, and bring in the recycling and garbage every week. I write chore lists every night or morning, and they are free to sleep in and start in when they're awake, but they can't wait until 4pm.

Karen is a mother of a 3.5 year old and a 6.5 year old:

At 3, getting dressed morning and evening, brushing his own teeth, feeding the dog breakfast, and putting his shoes in/near his cubby are all that I ask.
At 6, all of the above (except he does dinner for the dog), makes his bed every morning, takes the dog out once a day, and cleans up toys when asked (even if it’s not his own mess).

Heather has four children aged 14, 12, 5, and 2:

Older two help me with whatever I ask. They do dishes, help with laundry, mow the lawn, keep their areas clean, take out the trash, etc. The younger one cleans his room, clears his dishes off the table, and picks up his toys. The youngest one picks up her toys with assistance.

Emma shared what chores her 5 year old completes:

He clears his own plate from the table, puts his dirty clothes in the hamper, and is expected to help tidy when asked. He fixes his own snack and can get things for his sister. He helps to do laundry, and helps to put away laundry. He used to hang all the wet socks and underwear until our little line broke. He makes his own bed. He helps in the garden. Simple stuff like that. When he wants to, he mops the kitchen or bathroom. At 5 there aren't that many "chores" he can do totally unsupervised other than clean up his toys or make his bed, so I take the approach that he works with me when I am doing things.

Erin is the mother of 2 teens that are active with jobs and sports:

[Daughter] unloads the dishwasher every time it's clean. And [Son] takes out the garbage. They are expected to clean up after themselves, and put away their own laundry, I usually fold it, but sometimes I have [Daughter] do that. [Son] gets wood for our woodstove (we heat with it and heat water all year long.) I don't expect a lot, but I expect them to do it when I ask because I don't expect a lot. I don't have a lot of expectations for lots of reasons, but mostly because I want the focus to be on schoolwork during the week, not the 5 chores I have to do tonight. And [Daughter] works, plays softball and does a play at school and [Son] plays every sport known to man. I give them extra stuff to do on the weekends they are home, but I really want homework and extracurriculars to come first.

So, it looks like there are a lot of kids out there that have a list of things to do around the house. You can mention that to your child the next time they believe it's unfair that you ask the dishes be clean! However, are all of these children getting paid for their efforts? The answers were divided. Some parents believe that children should always receive an allowance; while others believe that “chores” should not receive compensation and only the “above and beyond” should be paid out.

Cheyenne: I do support allowance because it introduces helpfulness, an awareness of what it takes to run a household, a work ethic, and the satisfaction of earning their clink. Also, even kids need a few bucks, so it's a win-win all around. I don't believe kids should just get spending money every week for nothing.
The allowance we give is for chores. If we fall behind as a family, they are not punished. If they slack, they will bust their asses to make it up by Friday. Do the work, doing your best, 'cause I will have [Daughter] re-sweep if she misses corners, and you'll get your ca$h. Period.

Karen: When children become older and are responsible for much of what their parents hired out when they were younger, yet see no monetary gain, they become very resentful. In my opinion, if a child is responsible for laundry, cleaning the house, yardwork, or younger sibling care, they should be paid 50% of what you’d pay a professional to do the same job.

Denise is the mother of a 23 month old: I feel they should EARN an allowance, not just have it given to them. I think if they earn it then they can understand the value of money and learn to value hard work and be prepared for the real world.

Heather: We reward for going above and beyond, IE I will pay you $2 to clean out my car. But to me, pay is all commission.

Erin: I don't do allowances. I have always given them the money they need it to go out with friends or to a movie, and tell them the things they do are because they are a part of our household. If they do something I consider out of the norm, ([Son] gets $10 to mow our grass, and [Daughter] gets $5 for cleaning out the whole fridge, etc.) I pay them a nominal amount. That way they have the option to do more than expected to earn money, but we don't fight about the expectations. I want them to know that money does not grow on trees, but not have their world revolve around it, you know?

Focus on the Family reminds parents: First, recognize the difference between a chore (an ongoing task that benefits the household) and a life skill (an activity that children should know how to do before living on their own, such as managing a checking account).

The number of chores for each child varied by family. The consensus, however, was to refrain from overloading a child. The moms I spoke to believe in quality over quantity. Cheyenne sums it up by saying: I'd rather have a child do three things that really do help than 10 chores that are half-done. Burning them out serves no one. Just gotta gauge your own kids.

What about those kids that just REFUSE chores? Well, most of the moms use the natural consequences approach. Usually the consequences for not completing a chore are natural consequences: You lose the time for doing whatever you wanted to do next. Or maybe, a toy gets cleaned up and put away in the storage closet. But usually its more like, we'll go to the park when this is done, or something. -Emma

Well, what do I think?

I'm still figuring this one out. However, I'm leaning toward the belief that children shouldn't get paid for doing something that helps the household run. So, things like laundry or dishes don't get an allowance. If you do something above the daily chores like mow the lawn or wash the car you should be compensated accordingly. Also, if you do an especially good job of a regular chore (like, I ask you to clean the kitchen and you clean out the fridge in the process or I find you scrubbing the floor instead of just wiping) I'll give you a little something more.

Yes, my son is only 16 months old. So, what do I know, right? Well, children WANT to help us. Notice I said “children” and not “teenagers” there? My son doesn't view “helping Mama and Daddy” as chores. He views it as fun!

Right now he does several “chores” with help:

• 
  
  
  
  Puts his clothes in the drawer (I have to take them in there, but he puts them in the drawer)
• 
  
  
  
  Picks up toys and other messes
• 
  
  
  
  Puts up folded towels
• 
  
  
  
  Unloads the bottom rack in the dishwasher
• 
  
  
  
  Wipes low surfaces (well, sort of. He wipes a small area, but I believe it's the effort that counts)
• 
  
  
  
  Empties out his potty chair

No, I'm not some crazy slave driver that forces her small child into a life of labor! All of these things were done on his own. He started taking silverware out of the dishwasher while we unloaded it so we started saying “Thank you, Franklin!” and taking it out of his hand. He quickly learned that we wanted him to give it to us. Recently he started taking it out and lifting it into the drawer. He can't get it in the silverware divider, but he knows that the drawer is where it goes. He picked up a folded towel out of the blue one day and started walking to the bathroom with it. If I say, “Help Mommy pick up” when he's poured his snack all over the floor he'll come over and help me pick up the pieces. He's also much more thorough than I might be. He'll pick up the teeny tiny pieces that I plan to leave for the vacuum.

I really liked the information on the Focus on the Family website: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_challenges/motivating_kids_to_clean_up.aspx

What do you do if you have teenagers that didn't develop the “chore” habit? First of all, you need to develop a line of communication. Sit down in a family meeting and find out exactly why they hate chores, if they feel they should be paid (and how much!), what chores do they find fair, etc... If you come in and start forcing chores on them they'll just dig their heels in even more. Everyone needs to know what's expected of them and why.

I do believe that teenagers be expected to help out around the house. If for no other reason than developing good habits and skills. Trust me, I went to college with 18-20 year olds that had no idea how to do simple tasks like laundry. This kids (for lack of a better word) were at a severe disadvantage. They don't need a lot of chores, but they do need basic skills.

I want to thank all of the moms that helped me with this project! I hope that this blog has helped you gain some perspective. If you have any additional thoughts or questions please post a comment!