One Size Fits Some

Parenting is not one size fits all.

What works for some parents won't work for you. What worked for your first kid probably won't work for the second.

I'm reminded of this so much with my two boys! They're very different. It might be birth order and it might be pure personality.

Franklin is an introvert. He plays well by himself and recharges by being ALONE.

Jonathan is an extrovert. He prefers to play with others and hates being alone.

This obviously creates conflict within THEIR relationship...but it's also hard for us as parents.

We talked about it yesterday. Sometimes I'll be playing with Jonathan (again) and notice Franklin sitting by himself and that Mommy Guilt kicks in..."Am I choosing favorites?" "Does Franklin think I don't' love him as much?" So I'll call out to Franklin, "Hey! Come play with me!" or "Come love on me!"

His response most of the time?

"No."

Why? Is it because he's mad at me? Nope, he's fine over in his own little bubble. He NEEDS that space to himself. I'm actually doing him a favor by keeping Jonathan away from him!

It's funny...but this is a prime example of what I'm talking about

Don't get me wrong, sometimes Franklin loves to cuddle. We cuddle to sleep at night. But I'm still learning how to meet his needs properly.

My Argument With God (the most recent one)

If God and I sat down and had an official discussion it would have gone something like this:

God: I have a blog idea for you. I know that you've had trouble coming up with new ones so I did it for you.

Me: Well thank you! What is it?

God: I want you to write about your past issues. Your eating disorder, your ex boyfriend, and your self harm.

Me: ......excuse me?

God: You haven't been able to get those things out of your head lately. They would be great tools for your book but I want you to blog about them.

Me: *silence*

God: You'll touch and save lives.

Me: *silence*

God: *silence*

Me: I can't. I just can't do it.

God: Yes, I'll help you.

Me: Nope.

God: This is what you're supposed to write about. You won't be able to come up with anything else until you do...and after a while your book will stall out as well. It will be cathartic AND helpful for someone.


That's how I imagine it would go anyway. How did it actually go? I got the feeling that I should write about these things and I ignored it...and then I hit writer's block all around.


So over the next few weeks I'll be doing several blogs covering several of these topics. I'll be including a lot of journal entries *gulp* and facts and links. Pray for me? This will be rough...

I get it...

It's something said a lot in church settings.

"You are a child of God."

"God is your Father."

But, honestly, I didn't TRULY understand what that meant.

When I fell away from God I got into the "I have to clean up my life before I can return" trap. I felt like I had to be GOOD ENOUGH for Him to truly love me.

My husband said to me, "That's the best part. None of us deserve it and none of us are truly good enough. He loves us anyway."

I accepted that and accepted Christ (again).

But now that I'm a parent with kids of my own I feel like I actually get it.

My kids aren't perfect. They are FAR from it! They make me angry daily. They disobey daily...sometimes hourly. And I still love them. I don't approve of their bad decisions, but it doesn't make me love them any less.

THAT is how God feels about us. We screw up daily...sometimes hourly! He gets angry with us. He doesn't approve of our bad decisions, but that doesn't mean he loves us any less!

House Cleaning Schedule!

Recently I developed my own house cleaning schedule. I got tired of living in disarray...It was driving me crazy.

Step one was I got on top of laundry! I seriously spent a day doing nothing but laundry. I didn't do anything else. I washed, dried, folded, and put away...all day long. It was a terrible day BUT it all got done.



The actual Schedule is as follows:

DAILY
- Laundry (1-2 loads....I'm serious)
- Dishes
- General Tidy (normally the kitchen with this one)
- Inventory food and add to shopping list
- Vacuum Living Room (it's high traffic here)

MONDAY: BATHROOMS
- Wipe tub (if you wipe it often enough you don't have to scour it!)
- Spray and wipe shower
- Clear counters
- Wipe counters and sink
- Wipe toilet (we have some of those Kaboom cleaners so the bowl stays pretty clean!)
- Pick up floor

TUESDAY: BEDROOM/LIVING ROOM
- Every 2 weeks wash sheets (some people do this more often but every 2 weeks works for me)
- Every 2 weeks wash comforters (do this on the week you're not washing sheets)
- Pick up floor
- Dust
- Gather trash
- Gather laundry
- Make beds

WEDNESDAY: KITCHEN/TRASH/DINING ROOM
- Gather trash throughout house
- Clean out fridge
- Scrub sink
- Clear/scrub counters
- Wipe cabinets
- Sweep
- Clear/wipe table
- Wipe chairs
- Wipe handles on appliances
- Trash out to can

THURSDAY: FLOORS
- Scrub (or at least spot scrub) kitchen/dining floor
- Vacuum all rooms
- Spot clean carpet if possible

FRIDAY: PROJECT DAY!
A project is anything you can work on in small bites throughout the day. Things like
- Cleaning out a closet
- Organizing cabinets
- Organizing boxes
- Going through clothing
Etc...

SATURDAY: ERRAND/FAMILY DAY
This is the day we do all of our shopping and do something fun if possible (like the zoo or park)

SUNDAY: CHURCH/REST/ERRANDS
If you've kept up with your schedule you should be able to do the basics and then RELAX!!


What do you think? Do you have a cleaning schedule?


Linking up

Does Your Reflection Show Your Love?

I avoid the mirror.

It's a habit from when I was a teenager and deep into my eating disorder. I still have a distorted view of my body (I see fat where there isn't any) so the habit is still there. It might be a little amusing to watch me spend time in the bathroom and only look in the mirror once or twice.

I need this.

I know a lot of people feel that children reflect their parents' parenting. (Sometimes I hope that's not true because my son is a typical 3 year old!!) This morning he parroted something that I didn't like to hear. Jonathan (18mo) dumped out a baggie of crackers. This is typical for him and his general age group (just an FYI to new parents: 12mo-24mo is a lot of dumping) I asked them to pick them up and put them back in the bag. As I walked away to get some water I hear Franklin say, "It's you fault, Jonathan."
I froze.
He wasn't being ugly about it. He was very matter of fact. I calmly asked him to repeat what he said to make sure I heard right (this was before coffee...I mishear all sorts of fun things before coffee) He did. I did.
My heart broke a little bit. Is that how he hears me? Have I said that to him? Maybe he heard it on a show... Is he a reflection of how much I love them?

2 Corinthians 3:18 says Our faces, then, are not covered. We all show the Lord's glory, and we are being changed to be like him. This change in us brings ever greater glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit. (NCV)

The King James puts it this way:
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.

We're supposed to be a reflection of God's love. Just like we want our children to reflect our love for them. Sometimes, especially on Facebook, I see so many Christians being downright hateful. Jesus loved everyone. He didn't APPROVE of everyone, but he sure loved them. I think that we forget that sometimes. Loving someone and showing them the love of Christ isn't the same as showing them approval of their behavior...but it's hard to be loving and condemn someone to hell in the same breath (or comment box).

Linking up

I Don't Have Faith In Myself

This morning I was lying awake (I do that) and thinking about all of the things I wanted to get done today. I kept thinking "I can't do everything" and trying to prioritize. At one point I thought, "Why don't I have faith in myself to get it all done?"

That's when it hit me.

Source

Duh. Trying to have faith in MYSELF is why I haven't been able to succeed.

I'm not supposed to have faith in myself to get things done; I'm supposed to have faith that God will give me the strength and tools to get things done.

By trying to focus on faith in myself I was basically telling God that I didn't need Him and I'd figure it out on my own.

Yeah...you can see how well THAT'S going!


So if you've been trying to figure something out and feel like you're hitting a wall...stop and pray. I have a bit more peace about the situation knowing that *I* don't have to be in charge! That's my prayer for you: Peace.

It's pretty clean...right?

If you walk in my kitchen right you'd think it was clean. It's not spotless by any stretch of the imagination...but it's mostly clean. Cluttered...but clean. (Did I drive that home yet?)

Yeah...so not my kitchen.

I was in the middle of patting myself on the back for being able to wake up to a clean kitchen...and then I got into the freezer.

The freezer handle (it's the drawer kind) is sticky. It's probably jelly (the boys love jelly). If you look under the stove there's a small toy/dirt collection. I don't want to talk about under the fridge!

So I got to thinking...isn't life like that sometimes?

We think things are fine as long as we don't dig deeper and don't really evaluate ourselves. If we stay on the surface and just "get by" we're convinced that everything is just fine. It isn't until we take a good, hard look at ourselves that we realize we still have dirt in the corners and messy areas that need to be cleaned.

Today I'll be cleaning hidden areas...both literally and figuratively. What areas will you be cleaning?

Funny Friday: Week Recap

Having a verbal toddler can be REALLY trying sometimes. (I swear if I get told "No, I can't!!" one more time....) But occasionally he's really hilarious. Here are highlights from my Facebook this week! (By the way, click that and be my friend!)

Franklin found a fly that can't fly...this leads to things like this:
"He just walking, Mommy. Look."
and
"The fly's walking on me! Look look! He's walking on me"


----------


Franklin just put on a pair of fleece pj pants and is now walking around saying "Whew. It's hot in here. Whew."

----------


I might have made a mistake when I asked Franklin yesterday if the fly was his friend...
Why? Because it's sort of creepy to hear your toddler say, "I gotta kill my friend." 

In other fly news: "He fly up the sky and he come back down and he can die."


----------

It's wayy too early for me to be decoding Franklin speak...
*points at TV* "Mommy, that's sexy crock!"

WHAT? We're watching Veggie Tales.

"Mommy, that's 6 o'clock!!!"

Ohhhhh Where's my coffee??

Just Take The Compliment

Does this sound familiar?

"Your hair looks great today!"
"Thanks. I only had 10mins to fix it."

"I love that shirt!"
"Thank you. I found it in the back of the closet."

"You did great."
"Yeah, but I could have..."

?

It's called Deflecting. I'm awful about it. I just cannot take a compliment! A friend of mine said she feels like a snob if she doesn't deflect. I can relate. I also feel like I have to immediately compliment the person back or I'm being rude.

So I'm giving myself a Challenge and I want YOU to join me! It's the Just Take The Compliment Challenge! We'll begin Sunday (ooh...church is full of nice people!) and "end" on Saturday, but I'm hoping you don't stop doing it.

How do you do it? When someone compliments you you're going to follow these steps:
- Smile
- Say "Thank you" or an equivalent
- Stop Talking

It sounds easy right? So why not join us? Click HERE to join the event on Facebook!

Does This Mean War?

Sigh. By now everyone has heard about the TIME cover with the mom breastfeeding her 3 year old.

I'm not here to talk about that directly...I've said enough on Facebook.

I'm here to talk about Mommy Wars.

Moms know what I'm talking about here. At least, you should. Have you ever felt judged for your parenting choice? Then you've been part of a Mommy War. It's a stupid thing that pits mothers against each other. Stay at home moms against working moms. Home schooling moms against public schooling moms. Breastfeeders against formula feeders (shouldn't we be glad baby was FED?).

There are even factions within each of these. Fellow breastfeeding moms will turn on each other when asked "How old is too old?" Some home schooling parents feel like a certain STYLE of home schooling is superior. Are you a mom that WORKS at HOME? Chances are you've felt slighted by working and non working moms alike.

Why do we do this?

Being a mother is HARD. Making decisions for your child is HARD. I remember not wanting to admit to anyone that I'd weaned my first son at *gasp* 15 months instead of letting HIM decide. I struggle with giving advice about home schooling because my son actually enjoys structured activities and some parents are against that.

We should support each other. We should hold each other up as awesome because we're all in the same Mommy Tribe. But we don't. We judge. We gossip. We turn up our noses at those that parent differently from us when we should embrace differences as a learning experience (even if it's how you DON'T want to do something). We should base our friendships on whether personalities click and not on whether mom pulls out a breast or bottle to feed her child.

TIME, I take offense to the idea that only those that are "Mom Enough" choose attachment parenting. There is no check-list that makes you the perfect attachment parent. I'm not even crazy about the TERM attachment parent. It pushes parents that don't practice out as "not as attached" to their children when, frankly, that isn't the case.

So stop the Mommy Wars. Find something else to disagree about. Parenting is hard enough.