He had taken the keys out of the ignition and put them in his pocket. It's late so I have nowhere to run.
He told me when we drove up that we weren't leaving until we'd resolved things. Little did I know that meant we weren't leaving until he was satisfied with the conversation.
We alternated between him yelling at me and him sobbing with his head in my lap until I finally figured out what he wanted: Surrender.
I gave it to him. I sat and sobbed. I apologized (I don't remember for what anymore) and I told him we could try again. I was crying on the outside but on the inside I felt nothing.
We drove back eventually and the friend I was staying with was livid. She and her grandson had tried to call me several times, texted, and left messages. I didn't get them until we drove out hours later. Guilt rode me.
The next time it happened we were in broad daylight. Again, he picked a spot with no cell service. This time we were at a park that I'd never been to and couldn't have gotten home from...
People walked by frequently. Several times I entertained the thought of jumping out and running after someone and begging them to take me home. At the time I was sure I would have gotten in trouble for making a scene and embarrassing him. I'm sure he would have told my parents that I could have left at any time and he wasn't keeping me there against my will. He was, and it felt that way.
Incidents like this were a huge part of my eating disorder and self harm. I felt out of control and helpless most of the time. Controlling what I ate or my physical pain was the way I chose to cope.
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