Why?
No, it's not some weird thing where I want my son to fail or think he isn't capable. It's a fact of life: You can't win at everything. Sometimes you have to lose.
It's interesting that this was one of the themes of a recent episode of Parenthood. But it's the truth. You shouldn't shield your kids from losing.
I opened this up to my Facebook recently. I'll share some of the comments with you: (I apologize for it being tiny...it copies funny from FB)
I
think it is setting the world up for a bunch of spoiled brats that
have no value in learning from loss and growing their character
Not
good. Losing is a part of life.
Kids
need to learn that they can't always win, and with that comes lessons
on hard work and perseverence. But everything doesn't have to be a
competition either: )
Losing
is a part of life. I think learning how to bow out gracefully and how
to be a polite winner is a much more important lesson than no winners
or losers.
I
think the kids that are getting awards for everything feel like they
are owed something. And feel worthless and angry when not given what
is owed them in their minds. As mentioned before losing is a part of
life, we don't always get what we want or even what we may deserve.
Sadly, these kids are learning that they don't have to work for
anything I order to get their reward in life.
A
good natured competitive spirit is a good thing. You win some you
lose some. Kids need to know this!
I
think for some, friendly competition is motivation. Later in life,
it's hard to be motivated for say, a job you don't like. I wish I was
a little more competitive! However, I think you can also stress
individual goals. You may not win each battle, but you finish the
game!
I have two very
different feelings on this. As a parent, I do think it's important
to understand losing and winning and have a healthy (not overly
emphasized) sense of competition. Winning and losing is part of life
and kids need to be brought up to understand you can learn from your
mistakes and improve your losses. However, as a teacher, I find it
very detrimental to implement too much competition in the classroom.
Especially with special education children, who very rarely "win"
against their peers. I don't like my kids to come into class always
competing with each other and calling each other losers in games and
lessons. I do think it's important for them to compete against
themselves and to "win" by improving their individual
achievement. But it can have a very negative effect on children to
be conditioned from a young age that winning and losing is so
important, particularly for students who are not going to be winning
much when put against peers with higher abilities in a lot of
fields. Hope that makes sense.
How
will you ever know that you have succeeded unless you have failed?
It
seems so strange that my kids have been given trophies for nothing
more than showing up to dance class (yes, DANCE class) and soccer
practice. They do not value those "awards" at ALL. My
oldest 2 have played sports in Boys & Girls Club, which is a
non-competitive league, so the scores don't mean anything, except in
volleyball, because they play best of 3 games up to 25 points. Even
in a non-competitive league, it's the PARENTS who get SO competitive
& take the win/lose situation really far. Not all of them, but I
feel bad for the kids whose parents compete through them. Healthy
competition is good, but winning at all cost or being berated after a
game (or during) for the way you played can't be good for those poor
kids. They will certainly lose any love of playing the sport in those
environments.
I
think it is good for kids to learn how to lose. Build character and
helps them learn to deal with disappointment.
Also,
I think everyone should be acknowledged for trying and
doing their best. Too much focus is often put on the winners, but
just because you lose doesn't mean you are a "loser"...if
you did your best, that is what matters.
So, the general consensus was: Kids need to learn that losing happens and how to deal with it...but also how to be a gracious winner. I agree 100%. I remember doing Field Day at my school (does that still happen?) and everyone got a ribbon...but it was a place ribbon. If there were 7 participants and you came in dead last you got a 7th place ribbon. The kid that won got a bright blue 1st place ribbon. I remember doing my best at some thing and failing miserably...but the kids that got higher placement would ALWAYS congratulate the rest of us on a good try and job well done. No one flaunted (and if they did it was friendly competition and always in good taste...a silly victory dance or something)
What are your thoughts? Do kids need to win and lose? Or is it best when everyone is equal?
