The next 30 days will be hard.
My prayer is that someone, somewhere, will feel touched or helped by my bits of story. I also hope that I can finally find healing through this. The wounds are old and mostly healed but still a bit tender.
Over this month you'll hear first hand accounts of what it's like to suffer from an eating disorder, WHY someone would feel the need to self hard, how I denied for so long that my relationship was unhealthy, and see the pain that I lived with every single day. It's a rare glimpse inside my head.
What is it like doing something like this? It's almost like an out of body experience. I have the memories from that period of time, but reading my journals and remembering feels like living in someone else's body. I am so far from that part of my life that reliving it isn't really reliving...it's like retelling a story.
There will be hurt feelings. There will be offenses taken. And just about every post will contain triggering material. But I know that when I was desperate to get healthy (and failed the first several times) I would have been ecstatic to come across a brutally honest account of these issues.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.