Wednesday, March 9, 2011

How I Ended Up At Home

I was going to be the first woman president of the United States....and then I turned 5!

I was going to be a famous actress and model...but I gave myself until 16 for that (10 years was long enough to get a career going)

There was a period where I didn't care about life at all.

Then, I turned 16 and was still plain old me. That was depressing.

I considered being a CSI...but when I researched the job I realized it's a lot more boring than the show.

I thought about being a teacher...but I can't stand when kids are in class "just because" and don't want to learn.

I settled on an ER Doctor. I looked at where my life was going (and the man I had settled on) and decided I could have my career and then have kids in my mid-30s. ExBoyfriend said he didn't want to wait until his 30s to have kids...so I looked at my life again and decided I'd rather have a career than have children. It hurt a little bit, but I was unhappy with my own experiences as a child and unhappy with my relationship.

I went to a private junior college to get the theatre bug out of my system and get some core classes. MY plan was to go there for 2 years (I had a full ride) and then go to ExBoyfriend's college and go Pre-Med.

.........


And then God happened.


It's funny how that happens. You're going along in life thinking that YOU have everything planned out and you can almost hear the chuckle from the heavens as God steps in and says, "Watch what *I* can do with your life. You have no idea what you're doing."

At least, that's how it felt.

Through serendipity I met my husband. (Okay, it was easier than that. I knew his roommate from many years prior) Stefan and I ended up talking many nights and I found myself pouring my heart out to this man I barely knew. In hindsight it was an effort to scare him off...thank God it didn't work!

Through our talks I found the strength to leave my abusive and toxic relationship for good. I found the strength to step up and say "I don't know what I want to do with my life...and that's okay." I found the strength to try to figure out who I really was and stop hiding behind my eating disorder, self harm addiction, and promiscuous attitude. Most of all, I found the strength to realize how WEAK I was without God in my life and rededicate my life to Christ.

At this point I had no idea what the future held. Everything had been turned upside down. Through the passing days I realized I was okay with having children....and with having Stefan's children. One night I told him that when I had children, if I could afford it, I wanted to stay home with them. This was really important to me.

Fast forward a couple of years...and I'm pregnant with our first. I found out when Stefan and I were trying to get into the military (it actually disqualified me). We crunched the numbers and realized that, with his entering the military, it's financially advantageous for me to stay home.

So here I am! From feminist to house frau. It's the hardest job I've ever had, but it's also the most fulfilling.

5 comments:

  1. I relate to a lot of your struggles, Kas. Isn't it so amazing how God can change our hearts and minds and give us something so much more than we had ever planned for ourselves? Great post, thanks=)

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  4. I get alot of flack for stay at home since I have a law degree and a Master's. As an Air Force wife though, we move often. We are at our 3rd base since my 3.5 year old was born, and my husband was gone for over 12 months of my 3 year olds life. How exactly would my working out of the house work for my children?

    I strive to have as much peace about it as you do, but in the meantime, I plod along, knowing that what I chose works best for my boys.

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  5. You're such a good mommy, Kas. Hang in there. As you share your struggles, others will be lifted up. Thanks so much for sharing.

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